


Damage

by dimeliora



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:24:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimeliora/pseuds/dimeliora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles has the perfect life. He's the governor of Texas, happily married, and has an incredible daughter. Everything is fine, until his little girl brings her new boyfriend home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an anonymous bidder for the AO3 auction. Loosely based on the movie _Damage_.

Jensen Ackles is ten the first time his father Peter takes him hunting. They’re in the blind, woods spread out around them, and Jensen is receiving his third lecture on proper handling of a rifle. He’s fired one before, but never at a living target. His father checks his sight one last time before handing it back to him.  
  
Jensen has been waiting for this moment for forever. His father is rarely home, usually at benefits and meetings, so this time is precious to him. Special. Dad’s been promising to take him on the yearly hunting trip since he was eight.  
  
There’s a rustling, and then the doe breaks through the brush and makes itself a clear target. Jensen takes aim, peers into the scope, and takes a deep breath. It’s all coming together, and this is a perfect shot.  
  
Except he doesn’t. His finger won’t squeeze the trigger, and he can’t make himself do more than stare at the doe. She’s pretty, sleek and well-built, and he wonders if she has a family like in _Bambi_ and hopes for her life. Do animals dream? It’s a bizarre line of thought, unusual for him, but it consumes him. Personalizes the doe in a way he’s unprepared for.  
  
The bang takes him by surprise, and Jensen jumps and lets go of the rifle. It rattles on the floor, and then he turns to look at his father. The doe is down, and his dad is lowering his own rifle and sweeping the clearing with his eyes. It seems like it takes forever, but eventually his dad’s eyes land on him and there’s disappointment in his gaze.  
  
“First rule Jensen: control. You must always control everything from your emotions to your surroundings. If you don’t you’ll hesitate, you’ll make mistakes, and you’ll fail. What does an Ackles never do?”  
  
“Fail sir.” He lowers his own gaze to the dead doe, and then back up to his dad. “An Ackles never fails.”  
  
His dad nods once, then leaves Jensen in the blind to go take care of the doe. They don’t go hunting again until Jensen is sixteen. It’s a present for Jensen being elected president of the student body, and he shoots two does and a buck.  
  
  
\---  
  
  
At the age of thirty-eight it’s understood that Jensen Ackles is not only taking over his father’s dynasty he’s setting a new bar for success. Elected to the Texas state senate at the unheard of age of twenty, climbing to a congressional seat by twenty-seven, and now he is celebrating his new position as governor of the great state of Texas. The pundits rant and rave depending on their position regarding the notorious Ackles family. Not since the Kennedys has there been more political influence or scandal connected to one name. Jensen Ackles is the first member of the family that has managed to avoid or manipulate the second while fully embracing the first.  
  
He graduated from high school two years early and headed for U of T at Austin for his Political Science degree. At eighteen while working on his degree and running the student congress Jensen was caught by the press coming out of a frat house early in the morning with his hair ruffled and the same clothes from the night before. Speculation ran wild about the conservative boy spending the night in a house full of men, a house that had connections with the campus LGBTQ associations no less. The vultures had one day of news before several eyewitnesses from the party stated that Jensen was celebrating his engagement with his best friend.  
  
Jensen emerged on the scene two days later holding the hand of a sleek and beautiful blonde and smiling in his now trademarked abashed way as he explained to the press that he hadn’t wanted them to scare his love off before she said yes. Several reporters were caught on tape saying “ah”. Eight and a half months later they welcomed a beautiful baby girl named Marta.  
  
Four years and full honors later he celebrated his graduation from U of T by being elected to senate, and the scandal this time was that Jensen ran as a liberal. If Peter Ackles had anything to say about it the press couldn’t seem to find him, and Jensen himself simply stated that he believed there were certain aspects of the conservative party that simply did not fall in line with his personal beliefs. Fox News heralded him as a rebel that would destroy the Ackles Empire. The more liberal and independent stations vacillated between claiming it was a publicity stunt and wondering if Jensen’s storied friendship with LGBTQ rights activist Christian Kane had anything to do with the move. Either way it didn’t affect Jensen’s success.  
  
He didn’t quite beat Dan Moody for the title of youngest Texas governor, but Jensen didn’t seem interested in accolades. His reputation was that he was a man for the people, and even his father’s Republican friends quickly evolved connections and alliances with the young man. Jensen was a favorite for an eventual presidential run, and everybody knew it.  
  
There had been wild speculation about Marta, called Marty by those closest to her, and whether or not she would live up to her family’s reputation. Connections were made between her and other famous daughters, but Marty managed to avoid the hard-partying life her peers seemed to wallow in. She ended her high school career as Valedictorian, was accepted on full scholarship to A&M, and every picture of her in the press was tasteful and fashionable.  
  
On the surface the family looked so perfect and sweet together that it seemed impossible for anyone to throw mud on their name. Despite the minor hiccups they were a unit and the plethora of pictures showing Jensen and Emily staring at each other lovingly, or Jensen and Marty spending time together, all fueled the press’ stories of fairy tale perfection.  
  
The problem with fairy tales of course, as any cynic will surely tell you, is that they are always surface beauty covering a mire of ugliness, blood, and shit. Happily ever after is a cop-out used by authors to avoid the inevitable fall when reality peeks in and reminds everyone that nothing is ever quite that easy.  
  
In the case of the Ackles, the story behind the fairy tale wasn’t quite as dramatic as all that. After all this is real life. No, the behind the scenes shared much with the public image. Jensen was comfortable, settled into his life in a way he was never sure he could be. His wife was beautiful and sweet, his daughter was whip-smart and accomplished, and his career was on an upward trajectory that put his father’s history to shame.  
  
He was a man who lived for his family, his job, and everything else took a backseat. At least it did until Marty brought home her newest boyfriend, and then everything changed.  
  
\----  
  
 _“Jen I’m tellin’ ya it’s time son. This is the year to pull it.”_  
  
Jensen frowned and shook his head once at the menu his chef was holding out. He reached for a pencil even as he responded to Christian in a warm and friendly tone that came as naturally as breathing.  
  
“And I’m telling you that this is too soon Chris. We just headed off that ridiculous sonogram abortion bullshit. We try to pass gay marriage and we’ll just be flashing our asses at the religious right. You and I both know we can’t afford to do that right now.” He crossed out Caesar Salad and replaced it with Chef. “I’m as eager as you are to get the bill out there, but I’m thinking ahead man. You need to be too.”  
  
 _“You think Pileggi isn’t thinkin’ the same thing Jen? He lost that sonogram thing, as you know, and this is an election year for him. He’s gonna lose his backing from the RNC and Focus on the Family if he doesn’t do something drastic. We let this bastard get the drop on us and we might lose. You know what this means to the community.”_ Christian sounded angry and desperate, as he so often did these days. Every call was some new request for help, and Jensen was honestly a little sick of it. Then again, being best friends with the most influential members of the more liberal subcultures was invaluable.  
  
He waved the chef away and then leaned back in his chair. “I promise you if I get even a hint of Pileggi planning anything I’ll get the tanks ready, but in the meantime Chris you gotta trust me and cool it man. Let the Republicans lick their wounds and see what they’re really in for. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t dare try to introduce any straight marriage bill right now. Not with a Democratic governor and majority. Just give it time.” Emily’s blonde tresses peeked around the door, and Jensen waved her in. “I gotta go man. The little woman is calling.”  
  
There was a derisive snort on the other end of the line, and then Christian’s voice was softer and fond. _“Jen you coming to the barbeque this weekend? Steve would love to see you man.”_  
  
“What did Tom say when you asked him?” Emily took a seat at the edge of his desk and plucked up the letter opener she’d bought him last year. Her delicate and recently manicured fingers traced the blade gently.  
  
 _“That you were available and if you said any different you were a lying coward.”_ Chris didn’t necessarily sound offended, but he didn’t sound amused either. Jensen tried to remember how many social outings he’d canceled with his oldest friends.  
  
“Well then I’m coming. Marty will be excited to see you again. Now I really have to go Chris. I’ll talk to you later?”  
  
 _“Yeah son, later.”_  
  
When he’d dropped the cell phone to the desk he looked up to see Emily avoiding eye contact. Jensen immediately tensed.  
  
“Jen, I don’t want you to be angry.” And Jensen knew immediately that it was about Marta, and that he was going to be angry. “But Marty is bringing her new boyfriend around tonight for the family dinner.”  
  
It took several long seconds for Jensen to get his words in order and out in a calm tone. “Here? She realizes that family dinner is for family right?”  
  
Emily’s nose wrinkled in distaste as she carefully replaced the letter opener. “You’re so stodgy and old-fashioned sometimes.”  
  
“Emily this isn’t about being - never mind. Do we know anything about this new boyfriend other than Marty didn’t want to tell me directly about him?” Marty’s social life had been tightly constrained since she was a little girl. Jensen had put a lot of energy into making sure that his daughter’s friends were not only socially acceptable, but safe.  The result had been a string of slightly questionable and wholly inappropriate boyfriends once she’d gained her independence. She’d never done anything too stupid, but she had come close once or twice. The memory of the last time gave Jensen the chills.  
  
“Well Marty said he was an art student at your alma mater, and he seems like a good boy. From what Marty says.” Emily looked at Jensen hopefully, fluttering long lashes and smiling in that way that made her a Texas premiere fashionista. Jensen worked his jaw for a second before leaning out and cupping her face.  
  
“Alright. I’ll be civil. It can’t be as bad as the hotel heir.” Emily’s nose wrinkled again and Jensen dropped a fond kiss on it. “I changed the salad.”  
  
“Oh Jensen did you have to? I thought the Caesar was perfect for the Prime-“  
  
\---  
  
Jensen had sent Tom on a fact-finding mission, and while the new boyfriend’s name was unique enough to make the search simple he didn’t believe he would have much in the way of information before dinner began. So he was going into the situation mostly blind, and that was enough to make him both paranoid and angry. To counteract his blindness Jensen had the new boyfriend placed across the table and sitting down from Marty.  There would be no footsie on his watch.  
  
At five-thirty on the dot Jensen was seated at the head of the table with Emily on the opposite end. Tom his PA and Mike his bodyguard were already seated, and the only empty places belonged to Marty and the mystery man. Emily tapped her nails on the table for Jensen, and he was secretly grateful that she would give in to the expression of their mutual annoyance.  
  
When Marty finally slammed through the door Jensen took in the wind-blown hair and the bright blue eyes, full lips, and the high aristocratic nose that had her labeled Princess Ackles from the age of eight. He kept his eyes on his daughter long enough to halt her progress through the room and engender a nervous smile on her face.  
  
“You’re late.” He checked his watch pointedly and then gestured to the place next to Mike. “You’re never late.”  
  
For a second Marty looked like ashamed, and then her shoulders squared and she tugged the hand that was peeking around the doorframe. What came along with it was not what Jensen was expecting.  
  
Instead of the well-groomed frat boys his daughter usually brought home, collars popped and hair carefully coifed, what stood in front of him was a behemoth. _Jared_ couldn’t have been any less than 6’4, and his frame was built for power and intimidation. All of the muscles though were contradicted by the soft and fond smile pulling at pink lips and bringing out just a hint of dimples. High and sharp cheekbones, a straight and full nose, and dotted beauty marks completed a sculpture that was only made obscene by the most colorful and wickedly shaped eyes Jensen had ever seen. His clothes were relaxed, cheap, and Jensen spotted paint specks along the side of his shirt. Messy hair fell into his eyes, and while Jensen watched Jared pushed it back before that fond smile turned as nervous as his daughter’s.  
  
For a moment, just one, he clenched his fork like a lifeline.  
  
“Father, mother, Mike and Tom, this is Jared Padalecki. My _boyfriend_.” Jensen wasn’t sure if he should stand and shake the man’s hand for appearance’s sake, or run him the hell out of the house.  
  
“Well hello dear, welcome to our home.” Emily was instantly the gracious hostess, face plastered with an easy smile and feet crossing the hardwood rapidly to take Jared’s hand and tilt her face up in an invitation. Jared paused for a second, expression confused, and then seemed to get the idea before he bent down to place a kiss on her exposed cheek. Jensen followed suit and took Jared’s hand in a firm shake.  
  
“Pleasure to meet you.” Jensen didn’t meet Jared’s eyes when he said it, gaze locked on his daughter as he tried to figure out what was going on, and why Marty had suddenly taken an interest in someone who looked like they’d never worn a suit in their life.  
  
“You too. Marty’s talked about both of y’all a lot.” Jared seemed to fumble with the next part, and Jensen finally made eye contact with him in that moment as he read the poorly delivered lie. “All good things, of course.”  
  
“Of course. Please have a seat.” Jensen crossed back to the table and took his position before beginning the prayer. When the necessities were over the service began, and conversation lulled into banality fairly quickly.  
  
Emily tried her best to get past the early moment, but Jensen could picture Marty warning her new boyfriend that he was an overprotective father on a level the boy probably had never imagined. Marty still blamed him for using his pull to have her third boyfriend arrested for possession. In his defense the boy had been carrying cocaine around his daughter.  
  
Jared, for his part, seemed to eat carefully and keep his eyes cast downwards. Every now and then he’d throw shy looks at Marty, or look around the table to see what everyone else was doing, but for the most part he kept his head down and his mouth shut. Jensen knew enough with just that to peg the young man for someone far out of his daughter’s league.  
  
What was Marty playing at?  
  
“So what style of art are you studying Jared?” His voice came out steady and measured as always, and he watched the tall boy choke slightly on his beef before Tom clapped him on the back gently. Jared shot the PA a grateful look.  
  
“Uh-I mostly do Impressionism sir. It’s uh-it focuses on-“  
  
“Using light to convey a feeling instead of a perfect recreation. I took Art Appreciation in college.” Jared jerked once and then looked up, and there was a complicated expression Jensen couldn’t quite read for half a second before it was replaced with that same goofy half-smile the young man had entered with.  
  
“It’s impressive that you remember. Most people-“  
  
“Daddy remembers everything. He says steady access to information is the best form of intimidation.” Jared’s eyes jerked the same way Jensen’s did, and landed on Marty’s bright smile. “How many senators and representatives have you scared so badly they only send their aides now Daddy?”  
  
Jensen controlled the grin that wanted to appear and simply shrugged at Marty. “That’s hardly dinner conversation honey. Anyway, I stopped counting after the hundredth one.”  
  
Jared laughed politely, but he honestly looked a bit confused. Jensen added it to the list of reasons this boy had no reason to be dating his daughter.  
  
“So Jared is the Governor’s Mansion what you thought it would be?” Emily’s eyes sent the message she’d come to the same conclusion, and Jensen sent back they’d discuss it later. Jared fiddled with his salad fork before using it to spear more beef.  
  
“Well it’s just as fancy I’ll say that. Really it’s the people that surprise me. It’s awful nice of ya’ll to have your employees eat with you too. I didn’t expect that.” There was a moment where Marty’s look of shock perfectly expressed Jensen’s own feelings. He bit it back hard and nodded once, as Tom’s lips twitched in a grin and Mike simply laughed.  
  
“Yes well, they are family, and family always comes first.”  
  
\---  
  
The dinner that wouldn’t end finally did, but somehow Emily talked Marty into staying the night. That of course meant that Jared was staying as well, and after a rousing fifteen minute argument between mother and daughter Marty agreed to separate rooms.  
  
Jensen slid out to the garden after everyone was asleep and took his position on the bench. He was just about to light his cigarette when he heard a throat clear behind him. His lighter clattered to the stonework, and Jensen gripped the cigarette so tightly it snapped in half.  
  
“Jesus don’t- Jared?” The tall young man stood behind him in the moonlight, cheekbones highlighted and eyes dark and glittering in his face.  
  
“Sorry Governor Ackles. Didn’t mean to scare you. I just couldn’t sleep. Strange place y’know?”  
  
Jensen watched the way the man ducked his head, hand coming up and ruffling through those shaggy chestnut locks, and then he made a decision that had nothing to do with logic or strategy. Years later Jensen would point to that moment as the one that doomed him. The only saving grace was that he didn’t let slip the instinctive _Call me Jensen_.  
  
“Well, have a seat if you don’t mind smoke.” He sounded gruffer than usual, uncontrolled, and Jared shivered visibly in the dim light before sliding onto the bench beside him. The younger man exuded heat, and Jensen considered that as he pulled a new cigarette out and lit it.  
  
“So this may be cliché but what are your intentions towards my daughter?” When Jared barked out a laugh Jensen shot his eyes over, but the younger man had ducked his head and his hair hid his expression.  
  
“Well – uh good? I mean I like her a lot. She’s a real special girl.”  
  
Jensen suppressed the instinct to tell Jared that she was more special than he could imagine. It wasn’t that he disliked the kid exactly; just that he wanted the best for his daughter. More importantly Jared seemed like a nice boy, and he was in way over his head. “How’d you two meet?”  
  
Jared hummed softly, one foot kicking out to knock a pebble along the tiles of the seating area. “She was at Blanton for a class assignment. I work there as part of my work-study so I gave her the tour and then asked her to dinner.”  
  
“Did you know who she was?” Maybe it was celebrity worship, but Jensen already knew the answer. This kid wasn’t some savvy gold-digger no matter how easy it would have been to dismiss him for it.  
  
“No sir. Not even a little bit.”  
  
“Do you even vote?” Jensen couldn’t help himself, his eyes stayed locked on the shaded face in the hopes that it would tilt upward and give him some idea of the expression behind those words.  
  
“Nope.” Jared laughed once, the sound husky and warm along Jensen’s skin. “But I’m easily swayed.”  
  
“You don’t say. That’s not the best way to be you know. Anyone could take advantage.”  
  
Jared looked up, moonlight shining off his eyes and lips curved in a perfect grin. “You gonna take advantage of me Mr. Ackles?”  
  
It took no time at all to know that Jared, his daughter’s boyfriend, was hitting on him. Jensen considered his cigarette for a long time. Let the silence spin out between them until it was uncomfortable, cold and Jared pulled back and lifted his hands in denial.  
  
“No, no I’m sorry that was - Jesus I just - I wasn’t really-“  
  
“You were not really flirting with me. In fact you never came out here.” Jensen dropped the cigarette and crushed it under his loafer knowing the gardener would dispose of it before Emily could catch the evidence of his wrong doing. “Because that would be inappropriate and strange. Your mouth just ran away with you.”  
  
Jared nodded rapidly and then held his hands out. “I’m sorry Governor Ackles. I just get kinda nervous around people like ya’ll and to be honest when I’m nervous I flirt. It’s kinda my defense mechanism.”  
  
“I would suggest you find a different defense mechanism. The kind of man who would flirt to handle his failings isn’t the kind that deserves my daughter.”  
  
With that Jensen stood, ignored the pull deep in his stomach at the blatant hurt on Jared’s face, and marched his way back into the house.  
  
The next morning a much more subdued Jared left on the arm of a bright and chipper Marta. Jensen certainly felt no guilt at stripping the smile off of those lips.  
  
\---  
  
  
Jensen watched as Marta introduced Jared to Steve. He was positioned beside Christian at the grill, and the sweating beer in his hand did nothing to distract him from the way the younger man smiled and chatted easily with his best friend’s life partner.  
  
“And then I just inserted the gerbil and let it do its thing.” Jensen jerked his gaze over to an amused Christian.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Thought so. Wanna speak your peace there gov?” Christian basted the ribs and then closed the lid of the grill. “Because you’re staring hard enough to set them on fire.”  
  
“What do you think of the new boyfriend? Little outta character for Marty isn’t he?” Jensen watched Chris adjust his ponytail out of the corner of his eye.  
  
“Well I’ll admit the kid’s got more to him than I’m used ta. There a specific thing you’re thinking Jenny, or is this just a for instance?”  
  
Jensen tried to order his thoughts as he watched Jared laugh so hard he was slapping his knee. The dimples were out in full force, and the sunlight caught the lines of his face just right and set them off to perfection. “Something about him just doesn’t feel right Chris. I’m not used to Marty bringing home…that. Also, major baggage. Tom did background.”  
  
Light blue eyes cut his way, and one dirty-blonde eyebrow arched upwards. “You trying to tell me we ain’t got baggage ourselves son?”  
  
Well that was laughable. Jensen could count on one hand the number of things he regretted and all of them were lost political maneuvers. “Some of us lived perfectly normal childhoods filled with light and love. The kind of thing we exposed our children to Chris.”  
  
His friend narrowed his eyes this time before opening the grill and flipping the ribs onto a serving platter. “You keep telling yourself that Jenny. In the meantime you might want ta’ beware of the kid anyway.”  
  
“Marty tell you something I don’t know?” He took the serving platter as Chris turned off the burners. Tried not to run over immediately and bum rush the boy away from his daughter.  
  
“Nope. But the only time I ever seen you with that look on your face you ended up married with a kid. It’s good to see again, but it’s gonna be damn scary for you. Plus, kid’s taken and that ain’t territory you wanna be stepping in.” Chris clapped him on the shoulder and headed off without another word.  
  
\---  
  
Chris’s words continued to bother Jensen that night as he studied the background check Tom had run on Marta’s new boyfriend. On paper Jared Padalecki wasn’t anything ruinous, but he certainly wasn’t the right kind of boy for his baby to end up with. Too many gaps in the story, and not quite the right class. The kid came from immigrant stock, a single mother that came from Poland with two young boys, and while it was admirable that he’d risen above that to get his scholarship it didn’t change how out of his depth he’d be at public functions and in the eyes of the press.  
  
Sure, they could spin it like a fairy tale, Princess Marta taking the lower-class man out of obscurity, but that sort of story always came with a price. Usually the one that paid it was the Cinderella and not the prince.  
  
The only question left was the story behind the death of Jared’s brother. Tom’s information stopped at the word suicide, and Jensen wasn’t interested enough to push beyond that. Honestly it was all pointless, because as soon as Marta realized that this one wouldn’t survive the coverage that followed her constantly she’d move on to the next unacceptable boy. Sometimes he wished his daughter had been Catholic. Maybe she would have picked being a nun on her own.  
  
His fingers ghosted over the lines of Jared’s face in the photo, an ID picture for his school, and Jensen considered again the perfect lips and the strong jaw. Jared was certainly beautiful; Jensen could give him that, but was there much beyond it? Signs pointed to no, because the kid had already spent his first time meeting Jensen flirting with him.  
  
And Jensen had certainly done nothing to encourage that.  
  
\---  
  
He unzipped Emily’s dress as she used the remover pad to wipe the makeup from her face.  
  
“How long is this going to last?”  
  
In the way only a woman who had been reading the subtext of her husband for years could Emily smiled into the mirror at him and reached for one of her numerous lotions. “I don’t know dear. As long as it has to. Marty’s just going through a phase right now.”  
  
“The grungy artist phase?” Jensen undid his tie and hung it in the closet before sitting to unlace his shoes. “Which one is this anyway? The one that comes before celibacy or the one that comes before her just sucking the life right out of me?”  
  
Emily laughed, head tilted back and eyes shut in mirth, and then dropped her dress before hanging it carefully and reaching for her pajamas. “She wants to be different from her parents. Eventually she’ll realize that this isn’t the way.”  
  
Jensen slid under the covers and watched Emily brush her hair out before joining him. He held an arm out and she snuggled underneath it. “I just – this is gonna end bad Em.”  
  
His wife placed a gentle kiss against his bare chest before sighing. “Jensen are you worried about Marty or Jared?”  
  
There was something in the tone that Jensen didn’t quite recognize. A question or an accusation that didn’t make any sense and Jensen almost took exception to.  
  
“Can’t it be both? The kid has no idea what he’s in for.”  
  
Her lips pressed against him again. “Jen, honey, he isn’t a stray puppy no matter how adorable his big eyes are. He’s a grown man and he can handle it. Sure, it’ll hurt, but he’s not our responsibility. Family first right?”  
  
There was an unspoken thing here. That Jared should have expected this, should have realized that he was out-classed and out-manned in this situation. It was a terrible thing to be faced with your own snobbery, but Emily was right. He thought of Jared smiling ignorantly as he used the wrong fork and left his elbows on the table.  
  
\---  
  
Another boring political dinner, dry chicken and fake smiles, and Jensen thought he’d tear his hair out if one more person asked him whether or not he planned on backing a gay marriage bill. If Chris was sowing the seeds for this Jensen would make him pay.  
  
Emily took the seat beside him again and laid one delicate hand on his forearm.  
  
“Jen, do you want to leave?”  
  
Tom caught his gaze from across the room, where he was busy trying to escort the rather tipsy Lieutenant Governor away from the open bar. He really needed to make a limit to these things. “No Em. I think I’d really like to dance with my beautiful wife.” Jensen turned in time to catch the flush leaking through her foundation, and then he took her hand and led her out to the floor.  
  
The band obligingly changed to something more appropriate, and Jensen took Emily’s hand and waist and led her into the proper box-step. “I thought you hated dancing at these things.”  
  
He smiled as flashbulbs went off and Tom managed to slip out of the room undetected. “And I thought you loved it. After all, why have a dress that lovely if it’s not being shown off?”  
  
Emily patted him once, her gesture for him to stop and continue all at once. “I was thinking Jen, and don’t be angry, but I really wondered if maybe-“  
  
When she trailed off Jensen schooled his features and swept her into a spin before pulling her back in effortlessly. “Em you know you don’t have to beat around the bush. What is it this time? Charity benefit? Auction?”  
  
One perfectly painted lip disappeared under even white teeth and came out plumper. Calculated and flawless. “I was thinking we should have Marta home for the summer. I don’t like her staying so far away when she’s not in school. She’s still at an age where we can talk her into it. When she has kids of her own though she’s going to want to go on trips with them and-”  
  
The rest went unsaid. Her stodgy old parents would be a thing of the past, and they’d see their baby at holidays and family functions. Eventually she was going to have a family of her own, and Jensen had to be ready for that.  
  
“Yes. I’m behind that plan, but is Marty? You know how she loves her independence. Plus, she may want to spend summer with that boy.” They took a swaying step around another couple that was less coordinated and then settled back into the proper pattern.  
  
“Actually she – well she already agreed. As long as Jared comes with.” Emily flashed her media smile, and the flashbulbs went off again as Jensen pressed a kiss to the corner of her lips. “I hope you’re not angry that I already agreed?”  
  
He thought of spending the summer with the awkward young man. Of having the media take pictures and speculate how serious the relationship was if the notoriously over-protective Governor allowed his daughter to spend so much time with one boy. They’d be discussing Marty’s wedding plans before July.  
  
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Jensen saw Tom tapping his watch across the room as Mike eyed the occupants. They had finally reached the socially mandated three hour stay. He could end this as soon as the music concluded.  
  
“I think it’ll be fine. She’ll behave herself.” Emily slowed their pace for them, and when the music concluded they both clapped heartily. “And if she doesn’t I’ll do something. Plus maybe if she has to face what the consequences of picking such a boy are early she’ll understand what she’s doing.”  
  
Jensen clapped along with everyone else before sweeping Emily into a one-armed hug and leading her towards his PA and bodyguard. “Great. We’ll have a front row seat for their breakup.”  
  
Emily chuckled softly and tucked her head against his chest. “I’m sure it’ll be noteworthy. Artists are notoriously temperamental. It probably won’t last to the beach house.”  
  
\---  
  
The second time Jensen spent one on one time with Jared Padalecki was almost the same as the first. He had stormed outside after a particularly strained but polite argument with a Republican senator regarding the possibility of tax increases being on the next ballot. There was some confusion as to where funding came from, and if he thought Jensen was being silly when he said that public schools needed the money then Jensen thought he was being willfully ignorant.  
  
The cigarette was soothing, glorious, and interrupted by more than six feet of artist. “Governor Ackles?”  
  
This time Jensen didn’t bother trying to hold his knee-jerk reaction in. “Jensen. Call me Jensen.” The minute he said it he wished he hadn’t. He could have left it at the more formal title and avoided closing even a bit of the gap between them. Instead he’d just opened the door, and Jared apparently took it for what it was.  
  
Marta’s boyfriend took the seat beside him and looked out over the garden. “Do you always smoke out here?”  
  
“Emily doesn’t care for it. Nasty habit.” Jensen took another long drag and shot the smoke from his nostrils as he considered the moon hanging above them.  
  
“She mentioned you quit when Marty was a teenager. I guess that didn’t take?” Jared’s hands looped around his knees as he pulled them up to his chest, and it made him look young and innocent in the silvery light.  
  
“You’ve discussed me with my wife?” Jensen tried not to let the amount of incredulity show, but the half of Jared’s face that he could see pulled into a bright smile.  
  
“We’ve done lunch once or twice. She was talking about buying one of my paintings. I think she was vetting me for Marty.” If there was a trace of bitterness in Jared’s tone Jensen couldn’t pick up on it.  
  
“She can be quite the protective mama bear.” He wanted the cigarette to be finished so it didn’t look like he was rushing away again.  
  
“I imagine you can be just as bad. Marty told me you probably had a background check run on me. It’s a fair thing to do considering who ya’ll are.” Jared’s fingers plucked at the knees of his jeans as he tilted his head so that Jensen could see all of his face. “I wanted to apologize for last time.”  
  
“What for?” Jensen kept his voice measured as he flicked his ashes and took another drag.  
  
“Flirting with you. I shouldn’t a done that, but I just-I guess I’m kinda built that way. I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.”  
  
“And you thought seeking me out alone in the dark again would quell that impression?” It was honest curiosity, and from the smile Jared flashed he got that.  
  
“Well nobody ever said I was a genius Jensen.” Something about the way the man said his name, warm and familiar, sent a shock along his system before he crushed the cigarette under his heel.  
  
His body refused to push upwards and away.  
  
“Several people have called me a genius.” He cut his eyes to the right and took in Jared’s studious face. “Do you love my daughter?”  
  
“I’d certainly like to think so. She’s a great girl.”  
  
“That’s not really an answer.”  
  
Jared laughed then, the one that Jensen had only heard from a distance, and was so much better up close when he was causing it. “It wasn’t really a question.”  
  
And with that Jared stood, fingers brushing maybe accidentally against Jensen’s knuckles as he disappeared up the path and towards the house.  
  
For the first time in five years Jensen chain smoked until he was able to head inside and relax.  
  
\----  
  
In the morning Jensen found himself sitting across the table from Jared as Marta chattered on happily with her mother about their plans for the day. Jensen wasn’t a morning person, and until the coffee properly hit his system he didn’t plan on joining in on anything.  
  
Plus, he hated tennis.  
  
“Jensen? Do you think you and Mike could do that?” His eyes jerked up from the rim of the cup to land on Emily’s wide and guileless ones.  
  
“What?”  
  
She tittered gently, and Jensen resisted the urge to wince. “I knew you wouldn’t hear me.” His wife turned and laid a solicitous hand on Jared’s arm. “The governor’s a big old bear in the morning. He’d love to get your stuff with you. Wouldn’t you Jen?”  
  
Four sets of eyes landed on him, and Mike didn’t bother to hide his grin.  
  
“Yes. Of course. I’ll need to get ready first.”  
  
Emily clapped her hands delightedly and then stood. “Excellent. That gives Marty and I time to suit up and hit the courts.”  
  
Marta shot him a brilliant smile, and Jensen returned it.  
  
\---  
  
  
Jared’s studio was small, but the entire Eastern wall was made up of windows that set the loft alight and made the wooden floors glow with a burnished sheen. Jensen found himself standing in front of a painting of a man, kneeling by a tree in the moonlight, hands up to the branches in the universal gesture of supplication.  
  
Mike was down by the car since this wasn’t the best of neighborhoods, and Jared was puttering around dropping supplies into bags. Jensen was so caught up in the image he missed when Jared stepped up directly behind him.  
  
“Do you like it?”  
  
“It’s miserable.” It came out blunter and gruffer than he wanted, but Jared made an interested noise and Jensen plowed on. “It reeks of despair. I mean it’s beautiful, and well done, but depressing as all hell. Your chiaroscuro is absolutely amazing.”  
  
There was a huff of laughter, and then a large hand landed on his shoulder. “It would be the technical shit you’d pick up on second to save you from discussing the emotions.”  
  
Jensen didn’t shrug the hand off, but he did lock up under the pressure. “Excuse me?”  
  
“It’s you. All locked up and repressed, begging the night for something you don’t know how to word. I painted it after the first night I met you.” Jared’s voice hooked lower, sad and understanding. “Marty’d  told me you were a bit of a control freak, but I figured she was just your average annoyed daughter. Now I know better.”  
  
Something hot and angry twisted in Jensen’s gut, and he reached up and gripped Jared’s hand too tight. “And let me guess, this is the masterpiece that’s gonna net you a fortune.” When he turned the expression on Jared’s face didn’t match the tone of his voice. It was curious, but ultimately empty.  
  
“Is that what you think of me? It never occurred to you I was just moved by the visual?” Jared’s hand stroked his jaw, and Jensen glared even as he leaned into it. “By the essence of it. Something so beautiful and so distant. Like a star I can admire but never really touch. That’s right isn’t it _Jensen_? No one ever really touches you.”  
  
Jensen’s hand finally broke the paralysis and jerked up to stop Jared’s fingers, his tongue sliding out traitorously to taste the salty skin before he tossed the hand aside. “My wife touches me and my daughter touches you. You’re not bringing that into my house.”  
  
\---  
  
It’s stupid. It’s possibly the dumbest idea he’s had since high school when he risked everything to have his first sexual experience with Mark Pellegrino.  
  
That whole weekend had been unadvisable, but Jensen had just watched his father disown his brother for being caught by the paparazzi smoking pot. Liam had been given the family version of a severance package and sent to Europe on an indefinite back packing trip. So Jensen ended up at Chris’s house buried as deep into one of Chris’s gay friends as he could be. Mostly because he knew he could never have it again, but also because something about the guy had just gotten to Jensen. He’d been an amateur philosopher, and he’d had no idea who Jensen’s family was. The kid had been from New England.  
  
He’d been so entranced then he was willing to risk staying there too long and drinking too much to pay attention to whether or not the cameras were outside when he left. It had been such a close call that Jensen could still feel the paranoia and panic.  
  
When he met Emily in college he knew he’d found the right woman. The daughter of an oil magnate Emily understood how the world worked. She knew what Jensen needed to make it, and she knew what she’d have to be to help him. Chris had spent the weekend before he announced trying to talk him out of it, insisting that while Jensen may love Emily he’d never be totally happy with her. Jensen didn’t believe it, and until Jared the idea had proved wrong.  
  
Sure, sometimes a man caught his eye just right. The thing was that Emily was everything he needed, and she was such a sweetheart. She understood Jensen, the closed off parts of him and the things he’d never share. She didn’t push and she didn’t pry. Instead she silently acknowledged that Jensen needed space, and he needed focus. Even in the more progressive sections of Texas a gay politician wasn’t going to get far, and arguing that he was at most bisexual wasn’t going to cut it. Time would take that out of the equation, but Jensen didn’t have that time. He needed to win, he needed to succeed, and he needed to do it soon.  
  
Mark, much like Jared, never would have made it under the scrutiny of the public eye. It would have been cruel to subject him to that lifestyle. People had been taking Jensen and Emily’s pictures since after their conception, and the flashbulbs and scandal pages didn’t faze them anymore. To put an unsuspecting, unready person in front of that sort of pressure was inhumane. Look what it had done to Lindsey Lohan for god’s sake.  
  
Jared was going to crumble. He may have dreams of being some kind of famous artist, but he wasn’t one yet. More importantly this wasn’t the sort of fame he was aspiring to. Dating Marty was going to put him under a microscope the same way it had every boy before him, and what they found or didn’t find wouldn’t matter compared to what filled space and sold subscriptions.  
  
All of that went into Jensen’s reasoning for not calling it all off immediately. Jared was only a temptation as long as Marta kept him around, and she was too smart and empathetic to subject him to that sort of suffering for long. No doubt there would be stories, pictures, and eventually something would crack Jared’s happy-go-lucky armor and leave him damaged enough Marty would release him. After that Jensen would never see him again.  
  
As long as it stayed harmless flirtation. As long as all it amounted to was brief conversations, maybe touches, but nothing else. No more tasting the man’s skin and no more jacking off to the mental images of all that length spread out over Jensen’s expensive Egyptian cotton sheets.  
  
How long had it been since he flirted anyway?  
  
\---  
  
The first official week of Jared’s stay Jensen spent in meetings and phone conversations. He saw little of the younger man, and what interaction they had was a part of the enforced family dinners Emily insisted on.  
  
Jensen was too exhausted to spend much time in the garden, and what little he did was Jared-less. Instead he watched as Jared sat beside Marty and laughed at her jokes, ran into them making out in the hallways, and every now and then saw them stumbling in from some club. Tom scanned the papers and the magazines, but nothing terrible ended up on any of the pages and that was just fine. Pictures of them together but nothing serious, and certainly nothing that had to be shut down.  
  
Then Jensen was given a brief reprieve, and Emily decided it was the right time to try a family outing. He felt so guilty for working through so much of their time together that Jensen didn’t even complain when it ended up being the opera. The day before he and Emily were seated in the breakfast nook discussing an upcoming event and sipping coffee when Jared stumbled behind Marty.  
  
Her face was animated the way it had always been when she was little and fixated on something. The first time Jensen remembered seeing that expression the girl had ended up with a horse. This probably wasn’t going to end any better or cheaper.  
  
“Daddy. _Daddy_. Jared needs a tux. Stat.” Jensen met the young man’s wide eyes over his daughter’s head and then turned to his smirking wife.  
  
“Emily I feel like I’m hearing something, but it’s a little girl demanding for my wallet. We don’t have a little girl anymore.”  
  
His wife’s lips curled wider as she sipped her coffee. “It must be a neighbor’s kid. Don’t give in.”  
  
Marty released Jared’s hand and plopped into his lap wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him the puppy-dog eyes. “ _Daddy_ it’s urgent. We’ve got the opera tomorrow and Jared has nothing to wear.”  
  
“Marty I rented a tux at-“  
  
“ _Men’s Warehouse_.” His daughter managed to lace the words with so much derision that even he winced a bit and Jared’s mouth curled down briefly even as he flushed with shame. Marty turned back to him fully and stuck her bottom lip out. “Can’t you get Sheppard to do something? It’s not too late right?”  
  
When Jensen looked back up Jared’s eyes were hooded, and he shuffled his big feet once and looked so awkward and out of place that Jensen honestly felt bad for him. He could picture the scene in his head; Marty looking in Jared’s closet and finding the plastic bag and the mass-produced second-hand tux before launching into the sort of superior tirade only someone who had never worn anything more than a few months old could.  
  
Maybe they had spoiled her a bit. Although Jensen couldn’t talk because he’d grown up with the same money and position. This was more Emily than him though, because Jensen had spent enough time trying to work with people of Jared’s economic status to be so casually cruel as to make him stand by while someone begged for him.  
  
“Stick your lip out a bit further and we can ride it to the coast.” He hadn’t said that to her since she was ten, and her laughter erased the tension in the room and allowed him to relax his arms around her without feeling too bad about Jared’s shabby clothes and obvious shame. “Yeah honey Sheppard can do something. On the other hand I’m sure the tux Jared picked was just fine.”  
  
Emily barked out laughter before shaking her head. “Men. You’ll just never get it.”  
  
Marty nodded sympathetically with her mother’s amusement before leaping up and grabbing Jared’s hands. “You’re gonna love this baby. Sheppard is the best. He made my prom dress!”  
  
Jared’s smile wasn’t quite as bright or lively as usual, but it was there. His big hand smoothed over Marty’s long blonde hair. “Yeah. I bet I will.”  
  
\---  
  
The ride to Sheppard’s shop was silent, and Jensen used the time to review campaign fundraising information as Jared stared out the window. Eventually the younger man broke the silence.  
  
“You didn’t have to do this.” When Jensen looked up Jared was still turned away from him, expression a mystery and voice flat and emotionless. “It really was a fine tuxedo.”  
  
“I bet it was.” It was the best he could offer. Sure, he felt for Jared and his pride, but at the end of the day it was what Marty wanted. Jensen wasn’t willing to choose Jared’s side on this.  
  
“Is it always like this with ya’ll? Things gotta be just perfect for the public eye?” If there was bitterness or accusation Jensen couldn’t hear it. The questions were delivered much like comments on the weather. He’d never heard anyone deal with such a sensitive topic without some feeling their voice.  
  
“Yes. It always is.” He almost added that Jared should get used to it or get out, but it seemed too mean-spirited. Instead he put the papers down and gently touched the young man’s shoulder. “You okay?”  
  
When Jared finally turned Jensen saw that the expression he’d been wearing throughout the conversation was one of pity. It threw him so far off his game for a moment Jensen couldn’t remember what the point of the conversation had been.  
  
“I’m fine. I don’t live in a world where the price of a man’s clothes is a deal-breaker. If I’da said no I wouldn’t be going to this shindig tomorrow would I?” Jensen realized his hand was still on Jared’s shoulder, and he couldn’t find the will to lift it.  
  
“No. We would have left you at home like a shameful secret.” It was best to get it out. To break whatever was building here between them because Jensen couldn’t do it physically. Couldn’t put distance there and he wanted to so badly.  
  
What was happening? Jensen had never been this stupid or reckless before. Everything in him cried out to grab Jared and pull him in. To taste the mouth that was currently implying that Jensen’s life was faulty in comparison to Jared’s. To understand what it was about the young man that made it so impossible to look away.  
  
He’d never felt this way before. Not even in those heady first days after meeting Emily when all they did was make out and laugh like the whole world was their joke. His hands were cold, his gut was burning, and he was pretty sure if Jared didn’t kiss him soon he would kiss Jared.  
  
“You don’t even have the slightest clue how sad that is, do you?” Jared was leaning forward, eyes locked on Jensen’s mouth and one hand brushing against his knee.  
  
“Not as sad as having to rent a smelly tux from a discount retailer.” The hand on Jared’s shoulder finally moved, but the trajectory was upwards as it stroked the graceful neck and then buried itself in that soft hair. The texture was incredibly soft, and Jensen wound his fingers in it before giving a brief and hard tug. Jared, big as he was, followed the pull like he was helpless.  
  
“Much sadder. Poor, repressed, ignorant rich people.” The hand on his knee slid up to his thigh, squeezed once, and Jensen suppressed a moan. He tugged Jared’s hair again so that his face was tilted and his mouth only centimeters away.  
  
“Shut the fuck up.” Then their lips met, and all the cliché bullshit Jensen had heard about in stories came true for the first time. Electricity sparked from mouth and fingers, all pretenses gone as Jensen hungrily devoured Jared’s mouth. Jared’s lips were as soft as his hair, slick with spit and opening almost instantly so that Jensen could plunge his tongue in and taste more.  
  
His other hand, the one not manhandling Jared’s head, gripped at the muscle and bone of Jared’s hip while Jared’s hands roamed over everything and his mouth stayed soft and pliant under Jensen’s pressure.  
  
There was the sweet sound of Jared groaning into his mouth, the wet noise of their tongues and lips clashing, and the rustle of fabric as their hands tried to touch and grab everything. Then the car stopped and Jensen practically flung the younger man away as he moved across the limo’s bench seat to put as much space between them as possible.  
  
“Jensen I-“ Jared’s usual control was broken, replaced by a need mingled with guilt. _Guilt_. Because, after all, he had just been kissing his girlfriend’s father. His girlfriend’s _married_ father.  
  
“Let’s get you fitted.” Jensen hears how cold he sounds, distracted and distant, and hurt joins the emotional party on Jared’s face before it’s swept away and buried under understanding.  
  
Mark calls Jared a moose no less than five times. He charges Jensen an extra five hundred dollars for the rush job, but Jensen can see the glee in Mark’s eyes as he faces the challenge of Jared’s long limbs and slim hips.  
  
  
When it’s over Jensen is so caught up in reliving the moment and trying to dismiss it that he misses the cameras going off.


	2. Chapter 2

_Governor Ackles and Family Taking Charity to a New Level?_  
  
The story breaks the day of the opera. It makes it to the top of the social pages in the major newspapers, three local news stations, and countless internet blogs. The headline is the least offensive section of it. Emily finds it first, and there’s pity written all over her pretty face as she holds it out to Jensen and clicks her tongue.  
  
They dug deep enough to find out about Jared’s mother and her economic status, his major, and the fact that he’s a part-time employee at a small bookstore. The story seems to be that to support his pro-social agenda Marty had chosen a boy from the lower classes to lift up and refine. The news stations try the Cinderella spin, and some of the blogs follow their lead. The social page and the rest of the internet hacks go the other way. They speculate just how much Jared must be pumping out of the family. There’s a great deal of sympathy for Jensen, who has to buy “the mutt” clothes and house him for the sake of his daughter.  
  
Jensen closes his laptop the second Jared comes into the room, Marty holding his hand and laughing at something he said. The look on his and Emily’s face gives away the game, and Marty raises an eyebrow while Jared visibly braces himself.  
  
The kid makes it through the paper article, and Marty reads two blogs while flicking her eyes up to the TV. She’s the one who breaks, and Jensen isn’t surprised. His daughter has always had a big heart.  
  
“Those bastards! This isn’t true. Daddy we have to-“  
  
“But it is.” Jensen tries to avoid whiplash when he turns to Jared’s flat voice. “Your dad had to buy my clothes so I’d be able to go.”  
  
Marta blanches, her lips trembling, and then Jared’s hard expression melts and he pulls Jensen’s daughter in and shushes her.  
  
“I’m sorry Marty. That wasn’t fair. I know you were just trying to include me. It’s not your fault.”  
  
Except it is. It’s all of their faults, and as gracious and strong as Jared is being there’s a slump to his shoulders that wasn’t there before.  
  
Jensen suggests they blow the opera off, but Emily points out that will only fuel the fire. She’s probably right.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
He wants to reach out and grab Jared’s shoulder. To hold the kid up under the barrage of lights and shouts. The press of the reporters around them is palpable, and Jensen holds up a hand to wave them off as they head down the roped off path to the grand doors of the opera house.  
  
 _“Governor Ackles is this a new charity program? Jared does this feel like a fairy tale? Mrs. Ackles who are you wearing? Marta did you pick him to make a political point about public assistance programs?”_  
  
The questions are rapid fire, and when Marty goes to stop and answer Jared and Jensen both lead her off the carpet and inside. She’s fuming, and Jensen doesn’t miss how tired and stressed out Jared looks.  
  
“How _dare_ they. Dad, can we please make a new law regarding the media’s access to the entrances of public places?”  
  
It’s Jared that answers, voice calm if strained, “Marty I think you answered your own question with the word public. It’s okay darling. I’m not bothered.”  
  
Except he is, Jensen can see it, and for a second he almost reaches out to the younger man. The instinct scares him.  
  
They take their box seats, and as is tradition fifteen minutes before intermission Jensen gets up to use the restroom before the crowd starts. Emily nudges Jared gently and whispers in his ear, and the younger man gets up to join Jensen.  
  
Maybe it’s the lingering look of pain, or just the fucked up wiring that caused that first kiss, but Jensen only manages to wait until after they’ve used the facilities to press Jared into a dark corner and pull him down into a kiss.  
  
Lips just as sweet as he remembered and fingers wrapping tightly into his tux as Jared hauls him closer and eats at his mouth. Jensen can’t help but wonder if this is the way it will always be between them, desperation and need outweighing guilt and fear.  
  
He pulls his mouth back, body still pressed firmly against the younger man, and he can feel the hard length of Jared pressed against his hip. Jensen wonders what would happen – and then he’s not wondering as he’s cupping the head of Jared’s considerable cock through tuxedo trousers and listening to the choked off sounds Jared makes.  
  
“What – what are you doing to me?” It comes out unbidden as Jensen thrusts against Jared’s thigh and moans from the sweet friction. He feels unhinged, out of control, and it’s surprisingly nice to be that way.  
  
“Shut up.” Jared’s head is shaking as he rocks into Jensen’s grip, eyes closed and head tilting back to thump against the wall.  
  
Any second now the chime will sound and people will come streaming out into the hallways. They have to stop this, but the heat building in his belly won’t let him do anything but rut against Jared and seek his orgasm.  
  
He shifts his hand, grip tightening and loosening over the head of Jared’s hard cock as his breath accelerates. The length of Jared’s exposed neck taunts him, but Jensen can’t mark the boy. Can’t leave any evidence of what they’re doing because that would out them so surely they may as well be doing this in public.  
  
Oh. Wait.  
  
Jensen’s right there, right on top of it, and his mouth moves again despite the crinkling of Jared’s forehead and the look of distaste that consumes the pleasure on his features.  
  
“Don’t let them get to you. You’re here because Marty wants you. Nothing they say makes you less than what you are.”  
  
Jared’s mouth goes slack and his body tightens as he comes in his pants. Jensen doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t wait, he grips Jared tight and follows him over the edge.  
  
In the aftermath they stand there, clinging to each other, and then Jared’s voice is broken and pained without Jensen knowing what exactly is paining him. It brings up that thick protectiveness that makes no sense and seems to be planted directly in the lizard part of his brain.  
  
“What am I?”  
  
He steps back and adjusts his tuxedo. Considers slipping back into the bathroom to wipe the rapidly cooling come out of his boxers and try to let the flush on his face die out before Emily can see it.  
  
“I’m not even sure anymore.”  
  
\---  
  
Emily’s pinning her hair up as Jensen watches.  
  
He knows those hands. He’s held them more times than he can count, fingers entwining with fingers, and every line and wrinkle is familiar to him. She’s aged so well that sometimes it’s hard to recognize how many years have passed since the first time he saw her smiling in the sunshine and brushing her beautiful blonde hair back.  
  
Jensen is betraying her. Not just on a physical level, but something deeper and more sinful. Emily has given him everything he ever asked of her. She’s been loyal, she’s been supportive, and she carried and bore their beautiful little girl. Sure, they’ve fought once or twice. They don’t see eye to eye on everything, and Emily has a habit of being a spoiled princess, but she’s never been anything less than a wonder to him.  
  
Then there’s Marta. His little girl, his baby, and Jensen has spent her entire life wanting nothing but the best for her. He’s always been willing to give up anything if it meant making sure that she’s protected from pain. In a way it’s facilitated the same habits and beliefs in her that he hates to see in her mother. She knows logically that people suffer, that there’s a class divide, but she’s never experienced it.  
  
How would she feel if she knew that her father was the kind of asshole that would cheat on his wife? Worse that he was doing it with her boyfriend, a man Jensen was fairly certain she loved.  
  
Control. Peter Ackles taught him that life is all about control. When his brother was exiled, when he was only considered worthwhile for his achievements, and when he flirted with the same fate as his brother to espouse liberal beliefs it was always with that control firmly in place.  
  
It was probably the only thing that saved him in his father’s eyes. None of it was personal none of it was passion driven, and Jensen never made a decision that didn’t have the backing of logic and reason. This thing with Jared defied his entire belief system. Went against everything he stood for. He was betraying his family, his code, and his constituents with every encounter.  
  
Yet despite all that he wanted more. He wanted to know what Jared would sound like without the constraints of potential exposure. To see the young man spread out and naked before him, trembling and sweating as Jensen tests out every inch of his flesh and learns every line and nuance.  
  
Emily’s fingers draw him back to the present, to the soft reality of her curvy body and gentle voice.  
  
“Jen? You alright?”  
  
 _I’m a bastard. I want you and Marty, but I want Jared too. I’m afraid I want one more than the other._  
  
“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine Em I’m just tired.”  
  
\----  
  
  
He manages to avoid being alone with Jared for the next three weeks. It does two very specific things to him. The first is that his need only gets worse as the time passes. With every look and near-miss Jensen wants more than he did before. He knows what those lips taste like, and watching them curl in a smile or slick with Jared’s tongue makes him crazy.  
  
The lust is exacerbated by the second thing. Not seeing Jared as simply an illicit pleasure makes him see him as a person. He gets to learn that Jared has an indomitable spirit, and despite the fact that the press coverage only gets more insulting as time goes on Jared handles it all with grace. Jensen learns that Jared is incredibly sweet and generous. The young man has time for everyone, a smile that bolsters the spirit without effort, and a sense of humor that is both adult and child-like in a completely perfect and paradoxical way.  
  
Every sweet smile, every unabashed belly laugh, and every moment that Jensen spends with Jared and his family makes him yearn for something more. It’s like watching a romance story from the inside. For the first time in Jensen’s life he _yearns_ for something that has no relation to his reputation or success.  
  
It’s unfortunate, but at the one month mark Jensen knows that this is something he’s not going to shake. No matter how hard he tries to disengage from Jared he simply can’t. At first because there’s no way to do it without making Marty and Emily suspicious, but then because of Jared himself.  
  
The transition from the mansion to the beach house is always stressful. Emily oversees most of it, and Jensen tries to stay out of her way. He’s got a lot on his plate right now, and Chris is ratcheting up the same-sex marriage bill fight despite Jensen’s urging against it.  
  
Everything gets put on hold for this though. Once a year everything gets put on hold for family.  
  
  
\----  
  
It’s official, inviting Jared to the beach house is the dumbest idea Jensen has ever had. The kid has the same ridiculously baggy shorts as all the boys his age, and the lack of accentuation to his ass and crotch leaves Jensen staring at the rest of him that much harder.  
  
If it wasn’t for the blackout quality sunglasses he has on Emily would have long figured out that Jensen is watching the play of muscles over their daughter’s boyfriend’s back and stomach as she points out paint swatches for the entranceway to beach house.  
  
The Gulf is usually what takes his attention away from his wife’s constant interior decoration decisions, but the stunning expanse of blue is no competition for the way water sluices down the planes and angles of Jared’s torso.  
  
He has Marty perched on his shoulders as he slams through the waves, laughter drifting over the sand to where Jensen is stretched out, and he’s overwhelmed with the urge to head into the water and taste the sea salt no doubt clinging to the boy’s lips.  
  
“-and tomorrow Marty wants you to take Jared out on the water while we go shopping.”  
  
Jensen jerked and turned to his wife. “Excuse me?”  
  
Emily’s smile was broad and teasing. “I knew you weren’t listening. I said Marty wants you to take Jared out on the boat. Maybe fish a little, but mostly get to know him better while she and I go shopping.”  
  
He carefully nestled his water bottle into the sand before turning to Emily and giving her his full attention.  
  
“Why am I getting to know him better?”  
  
“Because he’s your daughter’s boyfriend and until this thing falls through we have to play nice and keep an eye on the boy.”  
  
“An eye on the boy?” Jensen reached for his water and tried to avoid Emily’s suddenly sharp gaze.  
  
“Well doesn’t he seem a little, I don’t know, _too_ perfect to you? He came out of nowhere, gets along with everybody, and he looks like, well, that.” She gestured helplessly at the water where Jared was now Marty free and practically glittering in the sun.  
  
Jensen swallowed thickly and looked away.  
  
“What’s your point Em?”  
  
“I like him Jen, I really do, but I don’t know if I trust him. Something’s…off about him. Wrong. Don’t you feel it?” She took his hand in hers and leaned in.  
  
Jensen pressed his lips against Emily’s softly before pulling back.  
  
“Yeah. I feel it.”  
  
  
\---  
  
Jared’s hair was blowing back in the wind, smile fixed firmly on his face as Jensen navigated the boat out into deeper water. He dropped anchor at his favorite spot and set up his rod before turning to see Jared struggling with his own.  
  
“Never been fishing before?”  
  
The boy blushed prettily and then nodded. “Mom didn’t have time and Dave-“ His voice broke off and a shadow crossed Jared’s face as he tried to reel in the line he’d dropped.  
  
“Dave? That was your older brother, right?” Jensen tried to sound uninterested and distanced even as he studied Jared carefully. There was pallor under that tan and a strange sort of sadness Jensen didn’t think Jared capable of.  
  
Jared nodded, cleared his throat, and then laid the rod down without casting his line. “Yeah. Dave.”  
  
“That must have been tough, dealing with his suicide. Did he leave a note?” Jensen watched the way Jared’s hands shook before his face became a blank wall.  
  
“Nope. Just kind of snapped one day. Dave was always wound a little too tight.” Jared reached for the beer Jensen had handed him earlier and sipped it before shooting the older man a glance. “Is this really what you want to do while we’re out here all alone?”  
  
And Jensen was almost surprised by the answer that came out before he could stop it.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Since Emily had suggested this outing Jensen had imagined what they could do alone and isolated in the ocean. Just the two of them rocking on the waves, Jared spread out under the sun with all that tan skin on display for Jensen’s mouth and hands. Suddenly though, all he wanted was to know what would put the boy on defensive, what had that sadness in his eyes. He finally understood the blank look and what it meant, and this new layer to Jared was intriguing. Made him more than the simple and friendly boy that everyone saw.  
  
Jared grunted and then took a deeper swallow of his beer.  
  
“It’s not a nice story Jensen. Not the kind of story you wanna hear.”  
  
For some reason, Jensen took offense to that.  
  
“What kind of story do I want to hear then?”  
  
Jared’s eyes flew up, flashed with something too fast for Jensen to read, and then shuttered. His face went coy, seductive, and he licked salt and beer from his lips before leaning in.  
  
“You wanna hear that I’m not gonna bring shame on your family. That I may be the poor charity case, but I’m likable and simple enough. I can fill the time ‘til Marty finds a more respectable boy at her social level, and then I’ll be a distant memory. That artist boy that once dated Texas royalty. After all, what’s important in life other than your _image_?”  
  
Jensen dropped his rod on the deck and pushed up, into Jared’s space and crashing into the wood before he could think about it. He claimed the soft pink lips that had been haunting him, licked past the taste of salt air and into Jared’s mouth, and took the hateful words right out. Lips sliding on lips and slick tongues tangling Jensen left behind only Jared’s want and need expressed in moans and sighs.  
  
“You don’t know a thing about me.” He nipped Jared’s lower lip and watched the boy arch up into his hands. “You don’t know my priorities, you don’t know my wants, and you don’t know my opinions.”  
  
Jared’s eyes were still closed when his big hands slid up Jensen’s ribs and settled on his shoulder blades, pulling their bodies tightly together as he ground his erection up into Jensen’s.  
  
“I know you put family first, and that’s why I don’t understand this.” Hazel eyes opened to take him in, and that tongue slid out and along Jensen’s lips. “I don’t get why you’re doing this.”  
  
“You don’t have to.” Jensen hooked his fingers in the drawstring of Jared’s board shorts and pulled the bow, slid his hand underneath the waistband, and made the slow journey over smooth and tight flesh towards what he’d felt would be an incredible prize.  
  
Until Jared’s big hand stopped his progress.  
  
“I do. I do have to. I need to know why I’m betraying the nicest girl I ever met. Why I feel bad about it, but only in the background. I need to know that.” His eyes were serious, huge, and Jensen felt his blood run cold as he considered again all the potential fallout this could bring.  
  
He’d been taught to never give until he was sure to get back.  
  
“You tell me about your brother and I’ll tell you what my reasoning is. Sound good?” His hand was stalled, fingers brushing wiry hair and taut pelvic muscle, and he twitched them once to see lust darken Jared’s serious look.  
  
“Dave was in love with a guy that turned him down. He couldn’t handle the rejection and the guilt, so he killed himself. At least that’s what the note said.” Jared swallowed thickly. “It was a really ugly situation.”  
  
There was more to the story than that, had to be, but Jensen was willing to let it rest there because there were tears in Jared’s big eyes, and he didn’t particularly care for that look.  
  
“I don’t know why I’m doing this. A part of me wants to say because I’m dying to fuck you senseless, taste every inch of you, and just reduce it to that. Simple lust. But I’ve never cheated on my wife, never even considered it, and lust wouldn’t make me do that. Something – something about you makes me crazy. Makes me want to wrap you up in this protective bubble where the only one who can get inside you is me. I feel like you see a part of me no one else does, and that I really want that part seen.”  
  
Jared’s fingers tore at the button on his shorts, popped it off in his urgency before pulling on the zipper and getting his hand in the same position as Jensen’s. Fingertips stroked the head of his cock, and Jensen was rock hard again as if the serious conversation had never happened.  
  
Jensen ignored the rest of it, the leftover mystery and the cloud of potential disaster hanging over his head, and focused on the feel of Jared’s skin, the velvet hardness of his cock, and the thick timbre of his moans. His grip was unsure at first, but the second hesitant stroke drug the sweetest moan out of the boy underneath him, and Jensen made sure to stick to that formula.  
  
The problem became he didn’t want to come jerking each other off. He wanted more than illicit teenage pleasures. It took a considerable amount of willpower to push up and away, scramble at the hem of Jared’s shirt, and then lift it to expose more skin.  
  
Lying there, board shorts and underwear pushed down around his thighs, skin flushed, sunlit, and mouth open exposing his talented tongue, Jared looked the picture of debauchery. Jensen had never wanted any person more than he wanted the man in front of him, and the fact that he could have it made him feel like laughing hysterically.  
  
The next fifteen or twenty minutes were all sensation; the steady breeze whipping against the skin of his back as Jared’s fingers dug and pulled at the muscles there, the slide of Jared’s hot flesh against his lips, the taste of pre-come and skin, the salt-air mixed with the musk of Jared’s groin, and the breathless pleading of the man twisting and jerking underneath him.  
  
When Jared scrambled at his hair, voice cracking around Jensen’s name, he increased his suction and flicked his tongue against the bundle of nerves under the flared head. Jared came, filled Jensen’s mouth, and then pulled him up to share the taste.  
  
For a moment Jared was pliant underneath him, tongue lapping lazily at the come in Jensen’s mouth, and then Jensen was being manhandled backwards. His back slammed painfully into the side of the boat and then Jared’s mouth was wrapped around his cock.  
  
It was just as delicious a picture as he imagined it to be. Pink lips sliding along his shaft, tongue working the vein, and big hands spreading Jensen’s thighs wider before slipping down to collect the saliva at the corners of Jared’s mouth and trail it along Jensen’s balls.  
  
A finger pressed against his perineum, rubbed vigorously, and Jensen spilled all too early into Jared’s mouth as his fingers twisted in that long and soft hair. Hazel eyes met his, mouth still sucking the last of his release rhythmically, and Jensen brushed his thumb against the soft corner of Jared’s lips where they met his own flesh.  
  
“This can’t end well Jared. You know that right? I love my wife.”  
  
Jared released him slowly, mouth trembling for a moment before that blankness came back.  
  
“And I love Marty.”  
  
  
\---  
  
  
They had three more days on the water during the family vacation, and each one ended in an orgasm followed by crushing need and guilt.  
  
Jensen lay awake at night staring at Emily as she slept innocent and sweet beside him. He knew that face, knew her dreams because she’d been telling them to him for twenty years, but what he didn’t know was how she would react to what was going on right under her nose.  
  
In a way Emily was picking up on something. Her suspicion of Jared only grew as the time went on, and while her smile was still bright and focused in front of him behind closed doors she told Jensen a variety of fears.  
  
That Jared was using Marty for publicity, that he had some hidden scandal, and that he was going to break their little girl’s heart. Jensen couldn’t honestly argue with two of those, but he found counter-arguments anyway.  
  
His daughter was more smitten with every day, and by the time they were scheduled to leave the beach house it seemed that all she could talk about was Jared. Jensen understood all too well.  
  
Jensen secretly loved having Jared there in the giant viewing room, laughing with him at sci-fi movies his wife and daughter had no interest in, joking with Tom and Mike on the golf course, and generally watching the younger man bring joy to everyone around him. Everyone but Emily.  
  
Returning to real life meant separating from Jared, and it was harder than Jensen could have imagined. He saw the younger man at family dinners, but for the most part Jared had his classes and Jensen had his work.  
  
The first text message came in at two in the morning as Jensen was reading over a particularly nasty piece of legislation regarding school vouchers.  
  
 _I miss the way your eyes crinkle._  
  
Jensen stared at it for a long time, finger hovering over the red x to delete it, before he finally hit respond.  
  
 _I miss the way you clutch yourself when you laugh._  
  
Fall was crashing in on them, election season rearing its ugly head as politicians struggled to follow their original campaign promises and assure themselves continued positions in government. Jensen was endorsing like a mad man, running from one rubber chicken dinner to another, and he honestly couldn’t remember a single season that had been this exhausting.  
  
The highlight of his day became the late night messages from Jared, stolen pieces of commentary on art he was making or things he liked.  
  
Jensen learned that Jared spent ten hours of every week at a shelter, never visited his mother, and hated going to his own gallery shows. He liked to watch people’s reactions to his work, but he hated discussing the work with them.  
  
For every piece of information that Jared gave him Jensen was required to give something back. He told Jared about how little he felt he was actually able to do for his constituents, how sometimes he longed to move somewhere that wouldn’t have a single camera, and how sometimes he resented the amount of publicity that Emily insisted they have.  
  
It wasn’t that he didn’t agree with her, it was necessary for the governor to put on a good face for the voters, but that didn’t change how tired he was of dancing in front of cameras and putting on a suit to smile at people who wanted to tank his agendas.  
  
Despite the connection between them Jensen felt further from Jared then he did when their only interaction was playing basketball before dinner or watching a movie with Emily and Marty. Despite the guilt that came with it there was a sensation when they were in the room, like the two women that were the most important thing in his life had disappeared, and all that was left was himself and Jared.  
  
And that’s how he ended up checking into a suite at the Driskill on a Wednesday night when he was supposed to be in his office arguing campaign strategies with Tom.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
Hyatt may have gutted the interior of the Driskill to make it modern, but the stone edifice still looked properly antique and imposing. It was, by Jensen’s admittedly outdated standards, the prettiest hotel in Austin. It was also the most discreet, and the easiest to slip in and out of.  
  
Jensen took his keycard at the desk, left the second one with the clerk, and headed up to the suite. The view of Austin’s downtown was as breath-taking as ever, and Jensen was standing at the floor to ceiling windows when the door opened behind him. He held his breath, hands in his pockets and body taut trying to look casual.  
  
There was the clink of keys, something else rattling along the wood of the coffee table, and then strong arms slid around Jensen’s waist. Lips pressed against his neck, and Jensen watched the reflection of Jared in the window, overwhelmed by the city skyline.  
  
Speckled with lights Jared’s reflected shape was hypnotizing, and Jensen reached up and tangled his fingers into Jared’s hair as he tilted his head to the side.  
  
They were a stereotype, a water-cooler joke, the aging politician and his young lover. Despite knowing that, being able to chart its potential fallout and weigh the costs versus the pay-off, Jensen couldn’t make himself care.  
  
He turned to Jared, arms sliding up to grip Jared’s neck. “Now what?”  
  
That darkness he was getting used to flashed through Jared’s expressive eyes, and then it was nothing but affection and concern.  
  
“You look terrible.” Fingers slid through his hair before Jared cupped his face. “Are you sleeping?”  
  
Despite himself Jensen felt the grimace form. “As much as I can. I have responsibilities Jared.”  
  
If Jared took exception to his tone he didn’t say it. “Strip.”  
  
It was more forward than he’d expected, but Jensen was down for anything that meant getting Jared naked and underneath him. Reducing this to its proper level of seediness and weeding out the emotional intimacy it had temporarily gained.  
  
Jared simply watched as Jensen stripped off the layers of his public identity. When he looked up from pulling off his socks and balling them up together Jared was still dressed and studying him thoughtfully.  
  
“You gonna get naked, or are you planning on sketching me like one of your French ladies?”  
  
The joke fell flat under Jared’s gaze, and finally Jensen crossed the space between them and pulled on Jared’s shirt until the man got the hint and lifted his arms to be stripped. It evened the playing field a little, or so Jensen thought, but then Jared grabbed him by the hips and practically threw him onto the plush king-sized bed.  
  
He watched as Jared finished stripping, as the younger man poured lube over his own fingers, and then Jared knelt on the end of the bed and began to finger himself open holding Jensen’s gaze the whole time.  
  
Jensen itched and burned to touch Jared, to crawl across the mattress and lick, bite, and taste him while he felt those long and talented fingers work the tight hole open. Instead he stayed frozen to the spot, achingly hard and hopelessly needy for what was right in front of him.  
  
Jared tossed him the lube bottle. “Get yourself ready for me.” The usually sweet and happy voice was thick and low and Jensen couldn’t help but comply.  
  
His right hand gripped the base of his cock tightly, staving off orgasm, and the left slicked himself up and then stroked lazily as he watched Jared’s head tilt back and his eyes close in pleasure.  
  
Then the younger man was on him, batting his hands away and positioning himself over the head of Jensen’s cock. Their eyes stayed locked together, Jared licking his pink lips once and tilting his head thoughtfully again, and then slowly, so slowly, the tight heat of Jared’s ass slid down onto Jensen’s cock.  
  
 _Not wearing a condom_ was swiftly followed by _holyshityesgod_ , and Jensen managed to move enough to grab Jared’s hips and guide his pace a bit.  
  
Fingers stroked his face, slid through his hair, and circled his nipples as Jared slid up and down, hips rotating gently as he rode Jensen in a slow rhythm. It was maddening, amazing, and Jensen’s heart was going at least twenty times faster than the act itself. He felt breathless, lost, and he couldn’t look away from the expression in Jared’s eyes, that thick look that Jensen didn’t completely understand.  
  
“C’mon Jen. C’mon I know you wanna.” Jared’s voice was almost slurred with pleasure as his cock leaked and bounced against his tight stomach. He gripped one of Jensen’s hands and led it to his cock. “Know you wanna take me apart.”  
  
And he did. He wanted it more than anything. Jensen set a steady pace, and Jared’s hips followed it. When he would stroke faster, Jared would move faster, and when he twisted his wrist at the head of Jared’s cock Jared would rock his hips and squeeze down on Jensen tightly.  
  
Throughout the whole thing Jared never looked away, never gave Jensen space to breathe or think properly, and Jensen was in the middle of thumbing the nerve cluster at the base of Jared’s cock when his orgasm ambushed him.  
  
Helplessly he held onto Jared, muscles locking and mouth open on a cry as he bucked up hard to ride it out. He must have done something right, because in the midst of his world shattering Jared came too. It was probably the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and Jensen was certain he’d never forget the sound of his name called so desperately, the tight hold Jared had on his shoulders, or way those gorgeous eyes blanked out even as they stayed on Jensen’s face.  
  
When it was over, when the bed underneath them was solid again and Jensen could focus, he finally understood the look on Jared’s face.  
  
 _Love_.  
  
Lying next to Emily that night Jensen didn’t sleep. He just wondered what Jared saw when he looked back.  
  
  
\---  
Despite how incredibly self-possessed and responsible their daughter was, it wasn’t uncommon in her teenage years for Jensen to come home to Emily and Marty fighting about something. It was the natural progression, and he managed to remain neutral throughout the majority of the feuds.  
  
That being said, after she hit eighteen Marty’s willfulness typically landed on her mother’s side, and that saw an end to the teary screaming matches he had resigned himself to. Maybe that was why he was unprepared to come home and find his grown daughter standing in the living room, shouting at her mother, with a very uncomfortable and shabbily dressed woman on the couch between them.  
  
“-had no right!” Marty finished, eyes full of angry tears, before she turned to Jensen and launched herself into his arms.  
  
Instinct took over, and Jensen folded his arms around his daughter’s shaking form and caught Emily’s angry stare.  
  
“Do I want to know what’s going on, or should I go back to the office?”  
  
His wife’s lips thinned to a white line, shoe tapping angrily on the wood floor, and then she threw her hands up in surrender.  
  
“I was only trying to be a good mother Jen. I don’t see why I have to be punished for that.”  
  
He’d never questioned where Marty got her flair for the dramatic. On the other hand, making this sort of scene in front of a stranger was totally out of character for his wife.  
  
“Ok, reasonable request. Marta, why is your mom protecting you a bad thing? And will someone introduce me to our guest?”  
  
Marty turned her tear-stained face up to him then and took a deep and wobbly breath. “Daddy that’s Mrs. Padalecki. Mom brought her to interrogate her about Jared.”  
  
“It’s not an interrogation Marta it’s a meeting. I think it’s odd you’ve been dating the boy for so long and we’ve never met his mother. I’m fixing that.” Emily turned a pleading gaze on him. “Talk to her Jensen. Make her see that this is the right thing.”  
  
Jensen studied the two most important people in his life before he looked to the woman on the couch. She was holding her purse in her lap, knuckles white around the canvas material, and she looked desperate to be anywhere else. Jensen wondered if Emily used his name to pressure her into coming.  
  
“Mrs. Padalecki, I’m going to take you home now. This was a big mistake.”  
  
Emily’s cry of disgust and Marty’s victorious sound were ignored as Jensen offered his hand to the woman and then led her back to the side door and the garage. Jensen didn’t waste time finding Mike or alerting Tom, instead he led Mrs. Padalecki to a car and opened the passenger door for her before settling into the driver’s side.  
  
“Ma’am I hope you’ll accept my apology. My wife is a good woman, but she’s a mother and I think you know what a mother will do for their child.”  
  
There was silence for a long time, and it occurred to Jensen he had no idea where the woman lived, before she finally broke the silence.  
  
“It is a big deal that my son is dating your daughter, is it not?”  
  
Jensen peered out the windshield at the highway and was grateful when she gave him brief directions.  
  
“The publicity has been pretty heavy, but Jared’s handling it well. He’s a good kid, kind and thoughtful. I think he’d make a great partner for anybody.” _Tone it down Ackles_.  
  
“My son is trouble Governor Ackles.”  
  
Traces of her accent lingered over the neutral tone she was obviously shooting for. Her voice was hushed, pitying, and Jensen looked over to see her facial expression matched.  
  
“Trouble for my daughter?” He couldn’t help it; there was something about the intensity of her expression that made Jensen unable to avoid the question.  
  
She nodded, “And for you I think. Jared was a good boy, but his brother – what happened with his brother left him damaged. In the process I fear he spreads that damage around.”  
  
“Why for me? I’m not one of those fathers who can’t handle their daughter dating the wrong man. If it goes badly she’ll just date someone else.”  
  
Alma winced before clutching her purse a little closer like a shield.  
  
“Please don’t take this the wrong way Governor, but I have seen the look you have when talking about my son before. It is the same look that his brother had, the one that ultimately killed him. Jared is…very good at drawing people in, but he doesn’t consider the consequences. I would not wish what happened to my oldest child to happen to you.”  
  
Jensen pulled the car over onto the side of the road and turned to the woman, mouth working for a few minutes before he found his voice.  
  
“Jared’s older brother killed himself over _Jared_?”  
  
She winced before nodding. “Yes. It was a very difficult time for everyone. It is the reason for the distance between us.”  
  
The rest of the ride was in silence, Jensen and Alma, two people with very little in common, suddenly sharing demons.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
When Jensen returned home Emily had apparently stormed off, and Marty was waiting for him at the door. His daughter threw her arms around him and cut off his air for a moment before pulling back.  
  
“You’re my hero daddy.”  
  
 _I fucked your boyfriend, but that’s ok, because apparently it’s his M.O. to destroy lives, and it’ll never happen again._  
  
“Honey go easy on your mom, alright? Just give her the benefit of the doubt that she was acting in what she thought was your best interest. Maybe lay off on bringing Jared around until she’s warmed up to the idea and he’s proven himself. A couple months.”  
  
Marty looked up at him, big and beautiful eyes wide, and then nodded and hugged him one more time before taking off.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
For the first two days Jared’s text messages were simply questioning. Where was he, was he ok, why wasn’t Jensen responding?  
  
When the first family dinner night came around and Marty showed up alone Jensen sat in the garden that night and hit the ignore button on six calls from Jared. No messages followed it, and he never left a voicemail.  
  
Three weeks without the younger man, and Jensen was fine. The real crunch time for elections had arrived, and Jensen’s days were consumed with working in tandem with the DNC to get the right candidates in the right places.  
  
His first night off was spent on Christian’s back porch, both of them sipping beer and staring up at the stars visible in the wilderness setting his friend preferred.  
  
“That Jared kid hasn’t been around recently. Marty says they’re still quite serious, media keeps taking pictures, but he ain’t spending any time with the Ackles family proper.”  
  
Christian didn’t need to ask the question. They’d known each other long enough the rest of it could go unsaid.  
  
“Emily has decided Jared is a little _too_ perfect. I asked Marty to give her some time off.” He drained his beer and dropped the bottle into the bin before reaching for the next one. “Let’s discuss the fourth district race.”  
  
“No, son, let’s discuss what’s going on between you and that boy. Now, before it becomes something you can’t take back.”  
  
Jensen covered his face and took a deep breath. “It’s already been taken back Chris. Why do you think I made sure Marty wouldn’t bring him around anymore?”  
  
Chris was silent for a moment, fingers drumming restlessly against his knee, and then he smacked Jensen in the back of the head.  
  
“Bullshit. You’ve never avoided anything in your entire life. How far did you let it go before you turned into a giant pussy?”  
  
“I fucked him. It was a mistake and it won’t happen again, because I ended it. Which is different than avoiding.”  
  
“Did you tell him it was over?”  
  
He swallowed. “In a way.”  
  
“Does ‘in a way’ mean you exiled him from the house and left it at that?”  
  
“Maybe.” Jensen lifted the bottle and then aborted halfway through. “It was a terrible fucking thing Chris. I was betraying Emily and Marty, throwing away everything I’ve worked for, and for what? Some kid who – some kid. It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to spend the rest of my life focusing on what matters and making it up to them.”  
  
He watched Chris finish off his own beer out of the corner of his eyes before the man slumped back in his chair and pushed his hair out of his face.  
  
“I’m not gonna say it ain’t a bad thing Jenny, but I’d point out that’s the first damn risk you’ve taken in all the time I’ve known you that didn’t have to do with politics. That says something. Maybe – you considered the possibility that maybe you were willing to do it ‘cause the kid’s worth it?”  
  
Jensen thought of Jared’s story about his brother, the way he’d go blank without warning, and Alma Padalecki’s dark warning.  
  
“He’s not.”  
  
The words tasted like ashes in his mouth.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
With the elections over Jensen had nothing but victory parties and holiday related public-relations junkets. They’d won more fights than they’d lost, and Emily was delighted with how many chances she got to go out with Jensen without having to eat bad chicken.  
  
The release of tension was good, and for the first time in months Jensen slept more than three hours in one go.  
  
All of that ended the week before Christmas, when Marty showed up with Jared in tow.  
  
She gave her mother a defiant look, and then took her place at the table with Jared sitting beside her. The air was thick enough before Marty tapped her glass and half-stood.  
  
“Jared and I have an announcement. Jared.” Marty caught his eye, pleading evident in every line of her face, and Jensen’s stomach twisted viciously.  
  
Jared stood, big hands steady at his side as he faced Emily instead of Jensen.  
  
“Mrs. Ackles, Governor Ackles, I’d like to ask your permission to take Marty’s hand in marriage.”  
  
Emily gasped, and it took Jensen a second to realize it was because the glass he’d been holding was now in shards in his palm instead of what Jared had just said. Tom was already rushing to his side, uncurling his hand and exclaiming over the damage.  
  
Marty’s eyes began to tear up; hands over her mouth, and Jensen shook his head while staring into Jared’s blank face.  
  
“Sorry honey, Jared, I guess you two just surprised me. You have my blessing.”  
  
With that he stood, and Tom followed him into the kitchen where Mike already had the first aid kit and a half-joking, half-terrified lecture about value of Emily’s crystal.  
  
  
\---  
  
  
Jared found him in the garden that night, the moon trying to peek out from behind sickly cloud cover.  
  
“You have no right to be mad. No right at all.” Jared sounded…lost. Jensen couldn’t bear to look at him.  
  
“I don’t huh? Tell me you proposed to my daughter because you love her and not out of spite. Tell me you’re not using me and her the way you used your brother and that when it goes bad you won’t just pick up and move on like it was nothing.”  
  
He heard the sharp gasp of breath, and then something that sounded suspiciously like tears in Jared’s usually controlled voice.  
  
“Oh. Oh okay, I get it. I get it now.” Footsteps crunched over the ground before they stopped a few feet away. “I’m sorry you can’t be open and honest, I’m sorry you can’t admit you want something, and I’m really sorry I was the one you figured that out with. I love Marty. Maybe not the way I love you, but I can’t have you. No one can.”  
  
And then Jared was gone. The next morning it was like it never happened. Emily and Marty were already talking plans, and Jensen sat at the table and read the newspaper while Jared smiled and gave his input when asked.  
  
  
\---  
  
  
Jensen did six swearing-in ceremonies, began to draft the same-sex marriage bill with Chris, and granted one clemency before it broke.  
  
The two months it took for the situation to become overwhelming were the longest two months of his life. Despite the numerous distractions provided by work he was expected to listen to Emily talk for hours about Jared’s suitability, the potential wedding, and Marty’s joy. Couple with that was seeing Jared everywhere. When the news of the engagement broke the media went nuts, and Jared was at the center of it.  
  
Speculation abounded about the whirlwind romance, the possibility of pregnancy, and Jared’s ambitions. He was painted as the commoner chosen by royalty, a social climber, and a manipulative Casanova. His former relationships were dragged into the light, interviewed, and found liars or saints depending on how much or little information they were willing to give.  
  
More than once Jensen saw Alma on the news, ducking away from the cameras and saying “No comment” so much her tongue must have felt numb.  
  
It got to the point that being in the same room as Jared was too much. When Emily announced that she and Marty were going to tour potential venues he let out a sigh of relief and considered a whole day of solitary relaxation.  
  
Maybe it was that expectation, or the fact that he entered the kitchen in just his boxers and glasses while singing “More Than a Feeling”, that made Jared’s presence so shocking. Either way, Jensen came to a stuttering halt in the center of his own kitchen, hands up in warding without his permission, and breath rushing from his lungs.  
  
Jared’s eyes were red, lower lip trembling, and he took a half-step backwards and crashed into the counter.  
  
“Marty said you’d be gone.” He sounded accusing, and Jensen bit back his own response.  
  
“Why are you crying?” _Shut up Ackles._  
  
Head shaking, hair flying into his eyes, Jared stumbled past Jensen and almost made it to the door before he caught the younger man’s wrist and pulled him back.  
  
“Why. Are. You. Crying?” It was tight, thick, and Jensen felt that original urge to wrap Jared up and protect him from the world rearing its ugly head again. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to stay away from each other.  
  
Jared shook his head again and then ducked it low.  
  
“I thought – I was – it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.” Jared jerked on his wrist and then dared a glance up when Jensen still wouldn’t release him. “Let me go Governor Ackles.”  
  
He was crying because of Jensen. He was crying because they were two men in an impossible situation with no easy answer and no right way out. But mostly, as far as Jensen could surmise, Jared was crying because he’d been left in that feeling alone. Jared had exposed himself, made himself vulnerable in the most intimate of ways, and Jensen had taken all of that in and never given anything back. Instead he’d taken the half-told story of Alma’s side of some distant and tragic history and used it to run away from the need and love he was feeling.  
  
It was easier to label Jared an obsession, to reduce him to an object of lust that Jensen could discard with the simple application of the control his father had taught him. Jensen had always hated his father.  
  
This time he reeled Jared in without hesitation, slid his lips gently over Jared’s, and then pulled back just enough to speak against the salty skin.  
  
“I’m sorry. Jay, I’m so sorry.”  
  
They practically crashed their way upstairs, hands tangling in each other’s hair and mouths tasting and nipping at each other’s skin. Jensen still had enough presence of mind to avoid the bedroom he shared with his wife, and they ended up in the big bed Jared had claimed two doors down from Marty’s.  
  
Jared manhandled him at that point, ripping the boxers off and shoving him towards the bed before he attempted the most ridiculous job of stripping while searching for lube the world had ever seen. He was down to one sock and the sleeve of his shirt while he poured the slick liquid all over his fingers. When he went to reach behind him thought Jensen grabbed the bony wrist again and pulled Jared in.  
  
Long and talented fingers shook as Jensen rubbed them against his hole, and Jared’s eyebrows shot up as he asked silently if Jensen was sure. All he could do was nod and spread his legs a bit wider to invite.  
  
Last sleeve divested Jared set to the task with gusto. His fingers were thin but long, and Jensen hissed at the unfamiliar pressure as one breached him while the others stroked maddeningly gentle lines against his perineum. He was prepared for a certain amount of discomfort, but what he wasn’t ready for was Jared’s soft pink lips wrapping around the head of his cock, or that hot mouth sucking him in and setting him on fire.  
  
Jensen set the pace as Jared worked him open, fucking into the artist’s mouth and back down onto his finger. When the second one joined the first Jensen cried out Jared’s name and fumbled for the base of his dick past Jared’s pink lips to squeeze off the approaching orgasm.  
  
It was too much, Jared’s big hands stroking him in just the right places while his mouth practically massaged Jensen’s cock. All the questions he still had, the regrets and guilt, all of it consumed by the absolute joy of being back in the center of Jared’s universe.  
  
Tip-tilted eyes caught his, held on and pinned him in place, as Jared slid the third finger in and crooked it just right to find Jensen’s prostate and rub against it while he flicked his tongue rapidly into the slit at the head of Jensen’s cock. He came, spurted across Jared’s lips and into that hot mouth, and then Jared was practically lifting him up onto his lap.  
  
Jensen moaned once, burn and stretch of Jared’s big cock penetrating the post-orgasm haze, and grabbed Jared’s shoulders and controlled the slow slide of his ass down that big cock. He could feel every inch of it splitting him apart, pushing so deep and far that Jensen was sure he’d have a hard time sitting for weeks, and the whole time Jared was murmuring, “Jensen, fuck yes, please, Jensen.”  
  
He leaned forward, tongue swiping across Jared’s jaw, and then he bit gently at the tender skin under Jared’s ear before he started to rock at the same pace as his rapid breathing. How had he ever hoped to escape this? Jensen had never felt this complete, this _alive_ , and after they finished here he needed to figure out the rest of it. How to make sure it stayed, what to do about the other people he loved and how badly this would hurt them.  
  
The pleasure peaked, Jared’s hips stuttering underneath him and the feeling of come filling his asshole, and then the arms around him became steel bands and Jared was releasing an inarticulate cry into his ear as he shook around Jensen and inside of him.  
  
For a moment the universe was perfect, warm and safe, and Jensen had everything he needed right there with him. Then everything came crashing down around him.  
  
\----  
  
The doctor was in his fifth minute of explaining how the Vagus Nerve worked, the slight concussion from Emily’s head bouncing off the polished wood floor, and why none of it was anything too serious.  
  
Jensen had no question that for the rest of his life he would remember looking over Jared’s shoulder and seeing his wife and daughter staring at the two of them tangled in the bed. Since the moment she was born Jensen had been devoted his life to protecting his daughter, caring for her, and he had held her hand through any number of emotional fallout moments. None of them compared to the look of despair and betrayal he saw on her beautiful, young face right then.  
  
Emily had simply fainted to the floor.  
  
Now he was in a hospital room, his daughter as far away from him as she could get, and every moment of training in public speaking and rhetoric useless in the face of what he had done.  
  
“Marty I-“  
  
“No. No, you don’t get to talk to me. You don’t get to talk to me ever again.” Her mouth trembled, but her shoulders stayed a firm line.  
  
They stayed in silence for another hour before Emily came around. She reached for Jensen, and then pulled her hand back at the last second.  
  
“Marta honey, maybe you should leave for a minute. I have to talk to your father.”  
  
His daughter stood and took the hand on her side.  
  
“Mommy no. I’ll stay. After what that bastard-“  
  
Emily shook her head. “Leave honey.”  
  
And Marty left, shooting him the ugliest look she could manage before heading out the door.  
  
Jensen made himself look his wife in the face. She looked older in that moment, frail and white in the stiff hospital bed, and he wanted to gather her up and make her better.  
  
But that didn’t change who he wanted to fall asleep next to that night.  
  
Marriage, Jensen had found, came with its own form of telepathy. Emily’s mouth settled into a line.  
  
“You resign for health reasons. Not infidelity Jensen, do you understand me? Health reasons. I won’t be put on a stage as the woman who got stepped out on. A year from now we get a quiet divorce, and it’s all done. Does that sound equitable?”  
  
“Emily, please, I didn’t-“  
  
Her hand stopped him, and her look was pitying. “Do you love him? Tell me you at least fell in love with him.”  
  
Jensen finally broke eye contact, staring at his hastily thrown on shoes instead of her gentle look.  
  
“Yes. I’m so sorry honey.”  
  
There was a rustling sound, and then the hand he knew so well was holding his.  
  
“I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you Jensen. Marty may never forgive you, and your career is shot. I can’t imagine what your daddy is going to do when he finds out you’re leaving the game. On top of all that I can’t say I’m going to forgive you any time soon. You hurt me, and the fact I know you didn’t want to only makes it worse because I can’t totally despise you. I hate you and I love you in equal measure right now, and I don’t want to see you again until one is stronger than the other.”  
  
Thin fingertips, familiar and cold, tilted his chin up so that he was looking at her. That pity hadn’t left, but behind it was the strong woman he’d fallen in love with.  
  
“You’ve always been a hard man to love Jensen. I don’t know how much was the damage your father did to you, and how much of it was just you not knowing what you needed. Either way, I feel sorry for you. I doubt you know even now, but you’re stuck with what you chose. I just hope that boy stands by you when everyone else leaves. Now get out of here.”  
  
Jensen nodded, stumbling up and through the door. He turned once towards Marty, but she shook her head. “You’re the lowest kind of monster. I don’t care what she told you, because I just hope you crawl off and die. If there’s any justice Jared will do the same thing to you he did to me.”  
  
With that she slipped through her mother’s hospital room, and Jensen was left alone with Mike to slink down the hallway and back to the car.


	3. Chapter 3

The resignation was big news, or so Jensen heard from Chris. He imagined his friend sugar-coated the media’s speculation because he didn’t pick up a newspaper or open a web browser. Instead, Jensen took up Steve’s offer to hide out in his family cabin in upper Michigan.  
  
The quiet did him good, the silence reminded him of how alone he was and should continue to be, and Jensen didn’t miss his cell phone or the flashing lights. There was a part of him, distant and sharp, that longed for feminine laughter or the rush of doing a good thing, but otherwise his old life was behind him.  
  
As for Jared? Jensen took the stress off the younger man by simply letting him go. After walking out of the hospital Jensen dropped his cell phone in Mike’s hand and headed for Christian’s. He let Tom make the calls to set up the press conference, and after it was done Mike carried out the last of his duties by taking Jensen to the airport.  
  
Maybe Chris was right, and it was simply Jensen being a coward by not giving Jared the chance to run on him. Maybe Steve was right and it was Jensen’s ultimate way of punishing himself. Either way the whole thing had been for nothing, unless you counted the fact that he could now sleep through the night.  
  
The guilt didn’t mess with that at least.  
  
He got to know the local grocers, a nice old couple that had owned their store for thirty years, and several hunters that used the area regularly. Jensen perfected his cast, and managed to catch his dinner once or twice. His daily run made it to ten miles, and he planned to add swimming when the winter ended. Every now and then the snow ended up deeper than he could dig himself out of, and learning how to handle that was daunting enough for a Texas boy, but Jensen learned after the first time to stock up regularly and listen to the weather forecast often.  
  
There was three feet of snow on Jensen’s birthday, and he insisted that Steve and Chris stay where it was safe. His old friend told him he was gaining influence and pull, and that there was a good chance their bill would be passed. Jensen’s name had been removed, but Chris insisted that it was Jensen’s baby and thusly his win. It was a nice thought.  
  
Winter gave way to spring, slowly but surely, and with spring Jensen’s fish hauls increased. So did his loneliness. Chris called the house phone often, and Jensen answered at least twenty percent of the time. He’d insist he was fine, and try his best to head off any visits. Eventually he had to give in and let his old friend come.  
  
Chris studied him for a long time, and then said what he and Steve were no doubt thinking.  
  
“Well, you look like shit, but the beard’s not terrible.”  
  
They managed to make it four days without anything salient coming up. The three of them talked about movies they’d seen, college stories before Jensen met Emily, and music they loved. It was easy, simple, and Jensen realized how isolated he’d been and how much it hurt.  
  
That didn’t change how glad he was for them to leave.  
  
In the end it was better that he was alone. Soon he’d need to find somewhere else, a place of his own that offered the same simple solitude. His father had sent him a terse letter announcing that it was good he’d gotten out before whatever mistake he made went public, and that he’d be sure to get his monthly stipend and his inheritance even though he’d ultimately failed the Ackles name.  
  
Jensen threw the letter away and let the money collect in an account Emily had access to. He had his own money, and it would more than cover the lifestyle he’d adopted.  
  
By the official start of summer Jensen had chosen a cabin not too far from Steve’s. It afforded him the same amount of comfort and avoided a lecture from his only remaining friends. This way it seemed that he was interested in staying close enough to be visited.  
  
Chris was talking political ambitions, making the jump from lobbying to service, and Jensen lauded his bravery. Considering he’d gotten the same-sex marriage bill passed he was in a fine position to do so. Jensen was touched when Chris and Steve invited him to their wedding. He was even more moved that they didn’t hold it against him that he didn’t go.  
  
He did see the pictures of Emily and Marty there.  
  
When winter rolled back around Jensen quietly signed the extremely fair divorce papers that stated irreconcilable differences, and with their bank accounts split and their union dissolved Jensen no longer had anything holding him back from the last step in his transformation.  
  
Whether he’d considered suicide before actively or not he couldn’t say, but he spent hours obsessing over his Will and planning out his note. It took up a good deal of his staring blankly at the water time, but he figured getting it right was fairly vital.  
  
Two weeks after Christmas Jensen filed his Will with his new attorney, and then sent a copy to Chris. He should have known better. Should have figured out that Chris would understand better than anybody.  
  
More importantly, he should have expected the knock on the door. Instead he was flummoxed when it came, rolled off the couch and staggered lethargically to the door to answer before the sound made his constant headache a full-blown migraine. How long had it been since he’d ran? Since he’d eaten? Jensen couldn’t remember. He just remembered the way the snow piled against the window, the way Marty used to turn into his hand as a baby, and the red-rimmed eyes Jared turned on him that last day.  
  
He didn’t make it to the door.  
  
  
\----  
  
  
When Jensen woke up there was a cool cloth on his forehead and warm hand stroking his chest. His eyes were too blurry to see properly, but the shadowy figure above him looked too big to be Chris.  
  
A familiar voice assaulted his aching head. “You idiot.”  
  
“You’re usually nicer. You smile with your dimples and you tell me you love me. I like you nicer.”  
  
What was he saying and who the hell was he saying it to? There was a thick breath above him and something wet dripped onto his lips. He tasted salt.  
  
“And I like you alive, but we both seem hell-bent on keeping each other from getting what we want. Open your mouth jackass.”  
  
Jensen obediently opened his mouth and got a strong taste of mint for his troubles. He choked briefly and then he was being pulled up into the warmth and his back was being stroked.  
  
“When your fever’s gone we’re gonna have a long talk about how to take care of yourself. Better yet, I’m just gonna stick around and take care of you.”  
  
The taste lingered, but Jensen ignored it in favor of curling into the warm body holding him.  
  
“I’m glad it’s you. Outta all the people I coulda seen last I’m glad it’s you. I love you Jay.”  
  
There was that salt taste again, and that was wrong. Jared only tasted like salt when he was crying.  
  
“Shut up. I love you too.”  
  
  
\---  
  
  
When Jensen woke again the world wasn’t so fuzzy, and weak sunlight filtered through the cabin’s curtains. This time he could make Jared out clearly. The frown that greeted him was a welcome and heartbreaking sight.  
  
“I’ve got soup broth. Considering how prominent your ribs are I’m betting you’d be lucky to hold even that down post-fever or no.”  
  
Jensen’s cough rattled his whole body, and when it finally stopped he breathlessly forced out, “How’d you find me?”  
  
Jared gave him a look before spooning out a helping out broth and tipping it to Jensen’s lips.  
  
“Chris read your Will and decided you’d hit the apex of stupid and needed intervention. Considering I’ve been bothering him for a whole damn year to tell me where you were it was high time. Drink your soup Jensen.”  
  
He feebly reached up and missed the spoon entirely, hand flopping against Jared’s chest instead.  
  
“Why?”  
  
The eyes he’d been so enamored with, become so obsessed with, and loved so much were shadowed and dark. Jared’s face didn’t have the same angular lines as Jensen’s, but there was strain and misery evident in his expression.  
  
“Because I fell in love with you. I thought I made that obvious. At first I kinda hated you for taking off like that, and for assuming I wouldn’t stick by you when things got rough. Your friends wouldn’t help me find you, but they would tell me you were somewhere punishing yourself. So instead of hating you I worried about your dumb ass. I’ve spent the last year pining for you instead of trying to get over you. So maybe I’m the stupid one. Drink your broth.”  
  
Jensen felt his chin quivering, his eyes watering, and Jared dropped the spoon into the bowl and pulled him into a hug.  
  
“Your mom told me that story and I just – I didn’t believe it, but I couldn’t risk it. Or I didn’t want you to risk it. After what I did-“  
  
Jared’s hands smoothed through his too long hair and then down his back. Jensen found himself being rocked like a little child, propped practically on Jared’s lap.  
  
“We did. What _we_ did. And I can imagine what Momma told you. Dave was always the level-headed one, the one that was gonna make something of himself instead of going into art. She blamed me for what happened with Dave because it was easier to see him as the victim of a seduction than as the aggressor. Afterwards I knew how she felt, even if she didn’t want to feel that way, and I couldn’t face it.”  
  
His head was tipped back and thumbs gently wiped the tears from under his eyes.  
  
“Chris and Steve told me a little bit about you too. Some of it I knew from Marty, and some of it was brand new. A lot of it was about your dad, and what happened when your brother let him down. And then, a month ago, I ran into Emily.”  
  
Jensen swallowed hard and set off another round of coughing. Jared cradled him through it, and then made him take two more spoonfuls of soup.  
  
“She told me about the last time she saw you, and what she said. She also told me she was pretty sure she’d shoot me if I didn’t end up making you happy. I felt pretty awful about that.”  
  
He nodded, and then tucked his face into Jared’s neck. “The whole thing was pretty awful.”  
  
Jared huffed something that might have been a laugh. “True enough. We started this thing all wrong Jensen. We met the wrong way, we shouldn’t have done anything until we were both free, and we hurt people. The thing you forgot was that it wasn’t just Emily and Marty. It was you and me hurting too. I don’t know if anything beautiful can come from that sort of damage, but I know I can’t go any longer without trying. Do you think we could both stop running away and try?”  
  
And Jensen couldn’t word his gratitude, his hope, but he could press his lips against Jared’s and communicate that way.  
  
\---  
  
  
They slept in separate beds at first. Jensen was slow to recover from the flu that Jared had found him with, and for a while all he could do was watch as Jared plundered his dwindling firewood supply and restocked his pantry with easy to cook items.  
  
They talked. They talked about their lives, about the things that had shaped them, and the events they never wanted anyone to know. Jensen learned all about the pressure and fear Jared lived with when his brother started to make advances, about the guilt when the note named him as the reason David took his own life, and he held Jared as the younger man cried long repressed tears into his shoulder.  
  
Jensen, for his part, spilled all his grief and guilt over what he’d done to his family. He told Jared about how cold his father was, how precise, and how Jensen had modeled himself to be exactly what was necessary to never end up exiled. He almost laughed when he looked around the cabin and the irony was too thick to name.  
  
When Jared finally moved into his bedroom it was lacking in any sexuality. Jared turned the downstairs bedroom into a studio, and refused to let Jensen see what he was working on. He’d come out after a few hours with paint splattered on his skin and a rumbling stomach. The two of them would tangle on the couch and eat together with the fire roaring and their hands occasionally touching.  
  
It was perfect, it was painful, and Jensen loved every second of it.  
  
When his birthday rolled around again Jared spent the entire morning looking guilty and unsure. Jensen didn’t figure out why until the knock came and Jared opened it to a pale looking Marty and a dour Chris.  
  
She slapped him, hard, and then she wrapped her arms around him and cried like the little girl he still saw her as.  
  
Marty stayed for two days and Jared spent the nights at Steve’s cabin. She admitted that while she was still furious with Jensen she couldn’t lose her daddy, and Chris had told her how close she’d come to that. Jensen agreed to therapy, and Marty gave him a tentative kiss on the cheek and a bone-crushing hug before she left.  
  
Jared came back an hour later looking like he was ready to be executed, and instead Jensen took him upstairs and opened him up slowly before making love to him.  
  
Maybe there were tears, but neither of them mentioned that part later.  
  
There were still nights where Jensen felt that disconnect, the dark tunnel he’d slipped into when he’d first arrived. Jared always sensed it, and stayed nearby ramping up his natural cheerfulness in an attempt to distract Jensen.  
  
Despite everything though Jensen was of the belief that Jared was worth the pain and the work. Jared’s introduction to his life had destroyed his carefully crafted position, had endangered his relationship with his daughter and ended his marriage, and had almost ended his life.  
  
That didn’t change the fact that Jared had finally taught Jensen about really living.  
  
  
\-----  
  
  
 **Three Years Later…**  
  
  
Jensen looked around the art gallery before a strong arm slid around his side.  
  
“You bitch and bitch about seeing them and then won’t give an opinion. You’re a damn tease Jensen Ackles.”  
  
He resisted the urge to stick his tongue out and instead turned his face to receive a kiss. Jared’s hand stroked his side and up under his shirt so that Jensen could feel the cold metal of his ring. The one that matched Jensen’s.  
  
“I think they could use a little work. Your subject is fairly poor.”  
  
The paintings were the culmination of all Jared’s secretive work in the cabin. Some of them were the land they owned together, the cabin, and the lake stretching out ahead of them. The first few were done in dark and muted colors, haunted and surrealistic in a way Jensen understood but hadn’t believed Jared did.  
  
In the center of a few Jensen saw a dark figure, small and hunched against any source of light, and knew who Jared had been capturing.  
  
As the show progressed though the color scheme changed. The paints gained light and focus, the figure grew taller and stronger, and eventually it was a man made of light and dark that strolled the lakeshore and built bonfires.  
  
“Well he looks a lot better with a haircut and a shave I’ll admit. Chris is looking for you.”  
  
“I’m fairly certain that’s Mr. President now.” Chris almost literally appeared out of nowhere, and considering his Secret Service detail that was no small feat.  
  
“Jesus Christ Chris! Warn a guy.” Jensen mocked fainting and Jared laughed brightly.  
  
The President’s mouth curled into a smug and familiar grin as he pushed his hair back and looked around the room.  
  
“Jensen I was wondering if I could ask you a favor.”  
  
He took a sip of his champagne and linked his fingers with Jared’s, rings clinking softly as they gripped each other.  
  
“You can ask anything, you’re the leader of the free world, but whether or not I’ll do it is questionable.”  
  
Chris nodded sagely before slapping Jensen’s shoulder. “Son, you owe me ‘bout a million times over but we’ll ignore that. As you know I’m an unconventional and history making President, and as such I’m building a Cabinet to match. I know you retired, but I wanna offer you a position.”  
  
Jared’s hand gripped a little tighter, and Jensen felt his eyes go wide.  
  
“Chris that’s – that’s really nice of you, but even an honorary thing would look bad. Sure, nobody knows the exact truth outside of our little circle, but the mystery was enough to make me untouchable.”  
  
“Ask me how many fucks I give about being touchable or not. I want you as Chief of Staff Jensen. I can’t trust anybody else for it. Now say yes or I’ll charge you with treason.”  
  
Jensen swallowed thickly, and then a huge hand settled over his mouth and nodded his head.  
  
“He says yes.”  
  
When he turned Jared was smiling brightly, hopefully, and Jensen wondered if he would really be allowed to have this wonderful man and the ability to make the world a better place.  
  
It looked like he was going to find out.


End file.
